WHO I AM!

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LINGUISTICALLY CHALLENGED!


Cute Guy at the Bar: La Bella
ME: What? I don't understand
CGATB: La Bella (points at ME)
ME: What? I don't understand...English please!
CGATB (just as drunk as me): La Bella
ME: I don't understand Spanish or whatever....(walks away)


*sigh*


ME = DUMB FUCK WHO DOES NOT KNOW THAT LA BELLA MEANS BEAUTIFUL IN ITALIAN...not spanish my friends...ITALIAN!!! I'm not rude, I do like accepting compliments. But I'm just Linguistically Challenged !

*slaps her head for being so stupid*

:(

xx

I will have ONE of THAT, please!

Temptations...temptations....temptations!! How does one remain loyal to the boyfriend with so many temptations around? This is not to say I will leave my loving boyfriend for every Tom, Dick, Harry, not only are those name are simply disgusting, I would never have the heart to dump a fully trained boyfriend.
You know trained boyfriends? Well, they are the types you have had for long and they know everything about you and everything you need, for example when you need to be cuddled, and when to stay away. The best trained boyfriend would know when you are PMSing even when you don't. But that would be possible ONLY in a PERFECT world.
A perfect world would be where Daniel Craig would be MINE. Well, if not that, in a perfect world I'll be able to go to restaurants and order one of those yummy stars as a date.
Getting back to my favorite topic- DANIEL CRAIG'S amazing body..minus his pouting lips!I had multiple orgasms (I know, I know, too much of information but this is MY Blog I can write what I want if you are too ashamed to read about my orgasms...LOOK AWAY!!!) just seeing him move when I went to watch Casino Royale the second time. Arrgh! could definitely take in some of those kisses...According to my friends he strips off a bit too much in the film...and I say...the more the better! Hell! I could do things to that guy that would be too R rated for this blog so I will leave it for my imagination...

I WANNA...

I was browsing through ticket prices on the ever reliable lastminute.com and I couldn't make up my mind as to which one theater show I wanted to see over the other. So as a memo to myself (and a little reminder to watch all of them before it's too late) here is a list of theater shows I want to watch sooner than later:

Mamma Mia
The Phantom of the Opera
The Blue Man Group
Guys and Dolls
Daddy Cool
Monty Python's Spamalot
Les Miserables
Cats
Sound Of Music
The Woman in White

*phew* hope to be able to watch all of this

LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW





Last morning I got up to find my street covered in white fluffy snow. Although as the day continued the snow melted, but the sight was breathtaking. I was extremely excited, I guess, when you have lived in a tropical country all your life, a winter wonder like this does make you extremely happy.




I did manage to click a few pictures of my street and backyard. It's pretty crude, but with a little imagination you can actually see how beautiful it all looked.

MAYBE...BUT WHY?

I'm standing at the cross-roads of life. Many people say you come across millions of cross roads during your lifetime, the first one being the end of school. For me, however, this is the first serious cross road I'm facing. I'm torn between a thousand and one things and I am beginning to lose hold over my dream.
When I left school not much changed for me. I had always planned my life, always...that is up to this day. I knew I wanted to study Journalism, I knew I wanted to be out of Calcutta and out of India. London was always my calling and I smooth sailed through it.
Day 2, of my second semester, third year, I believe I am not cut out to be a journalist. I am not rude, I am not a snob and I am sick of not believing in myself. I love London, but I love home more now. I love that people identify when I walk on the street ... I love it that people are so easy to talk to (except that snobbish woman at the TV channel!!)
I've been called in by my professor again tomorrow and I don't see cheery things my way. Maybe I'll fail my year, maybe I'll never be a journalist. But I know for sure after Uni ends I am giving up! Giving up on having to prove myself time and again, Brits look down on me at work places because I am too courteous (since when was that a bad thing???) and back home people think I'm too pretty therefore, DUMB!!
For three years I've tried to prove to everyone that I am hardworking and that beauty with brains is not a rarity. I have tried to prove to my parents that I am not spoilt and I have tried to prove myself that life is better without fun.
That's it! I give up. After Uni I am taking a year long holiday and never looking back. Maybe I am not cut to be a journalist, maybe I am too dumb...but I am goddamn me and I don't want other people's expectations getting me down. I want to believe in myself. Maybe this is what my long life ambition should have been in the first place.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

It's New Year's Eve evening and everyone I know is getting ready for the millions of parties they have been invited to. Me, on the other hand am sitting comfy in my PJs listening to Five For Fightining confused as hell about what the fuss is?
For me New Year's Eve is a time to spend with your loved ones, to celebrate the fabulous year you have had and a welcome for the coming, hoping that your wishes and dreams will be fulfilled in the future.
I long stopped believing in New Years, specially since it dawned on me that it is just an excuse for people to get massively drunk and be out all night. Let me add, I am no bore, I love partying, often quoted as the "Party Animal" I have enjoyed numerous drunken nights, but New Year's Eve 2006 does not seem a reason good enough for me to get drunk and pretend to have a good time, while I really wish to be home with the people I care about.
I'm terribly confused I have been invited to two parties and I still haven't decided whether I want to go to either. I am just a big ol' fart....no no I am just a big ol' confused fart !!!!!
haiiiiiiiii.....
It's just the end of a bloody month....ok, end of the bloody year....but it wasn't a brilliant year anyways!

xx

ROAD RAGE

As I sat behind the steering wheel after 5-6 odd months I suddenly got first day jitters. You know the feeling you got on the first day of school..well, the jitters I got were similar. I have been driving since I was thirteen years old, so that gives me a lot of practise.
Driving in Calcutta is unlike anywhere else in the world. Noone here follows any rules, and the worst bit of it all is noone can stop honking! Driving in this city is an experience of its own.
The buses here are over filled with people, most of the passengers are hanging out of the door, and the taxi drivers think they own the streets and will not hesitate to corner you, especially if you are a girl driver! So there I was driving very carefully, not to bump into anything or anyone!! Another thing, in my beautiful city noone believes in walking on the pavements adding to the woe of the driver who has to avoid them in order to avoid a brawl!
The distance I had to achieve was short, as soon as I turned out of my house gates my ears were flooded with honks and beeps! Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to go somewhere and I didn't know why. I have never heard so many cars honking at the same time. It was beyond crazy. I tried to keep my cool and continued to drive cautiously, I did't want to get a bump on the brand spanking new car !
I tried, honestly I did. My mother was sitting right next to me and I avoided losing my temper which leads to a lose tongue. But there I was screaming arsehole at the bloody cab driver who parked his car right on the middle of the road. Twenty minutes down my driving experience and I was already suffering from terrible road rage!
I am a calm driver, but with what seemed like a mllion cars beeping I hardly had an option.
The point is, I miss driving in London and I am so glad I drove. I love driving and I think all the road rage is worth it :) Only wish I had a car in London I could drive, life would be so much simpler.
Anyhoo driving in Calcutta is an achievement, and I applaud myself for being able to overcome my fears (of buses crashing into me) and making my little journey. YAY!

xx

Your Emoticon is Sad

You're feeling a tad depressed right now. It will likely pass soon, but for now, you need some major cheering up!

What Emoticon Best Represents You Right Now?

Christmas is a time for gifts, it's always about recieving than giving and everyone knows that.
This year to make it easier to shop for presents for me this year I'm making a list for Santa *hint hint*
All I want for Christmas is....



1) Knit Cap- one of those cool ones.
2) Xbox360- who the fuck said they were boy toys?
3) J'Adore or Chanel no 5...not too fussed...either would do :P
4) Chloe Paddington Bag
5) A spa treatment-somewhere exotic not downtown London!
6) Tickets for a Coldplay concert
7) A printer- so that I don't have to run to Uni just to print a piece of paper!
8) Chocolates!!!!!!!!
9) Those *ROCK* earrings from Accessorize
10) Skinny jeans that actually fit me
11) Jimmy Choos
12) An all expense paid trip to New York/Milan/Paris/Barcelona/Prague
13) A house that cleans itself!
14) A time machine so that I have more time to do my assignments
15) David & Goliath goodies
16) Dinner @ the Ritz- what the hell...a girl can dream!!!
17) A chauffeur driven Bentley
18) A Ferrari
19) A SideKick or a BlackBerry Pearl
20) Balls to get another tattoo- this time on my wrist

All I want for Christmas is EVERYTHING!!!

xx

You know what I Hate is being stopped on my way to work/shopping/home/pub by random people. If you ask me where the tube station is I will reply but what I don't want to hear from random people is that I need a free newspaper, that I need a haircut/makeover, that I look like a model, that I should give money to blah blah charity!
No I don't have thrity seconds to spare, and I am broke! I am my own charity and I know I look like a model so I don't need a makeover!
Next time I get stopped by a random stranger oh god! please let it be them offering me money or work!! Yes I would like that!! Else I am carrying a board around my neck saying "I am a broke student, I can't help you so move out of my way!!!"

xx

Another Saturday night, yet another night in. It makes me wonder what happnened to the party animal in me? From Saturday nights infused with Jack Daniels, Cigarettes and Loud Music to Saturday nights in my PJs watching The OC chatting on MSN. What the hell happened? The transformation is a blur...

I hate having a Best Friend. I mean a best friend is scary. She can read your mind, so why should my best friends be any different?
All through my life I have avoided the word best friend, simply because it is so cliched. But as years go by, I have realised why every girl's life is incomplete without her best friend.
This blog of mine is dedicated to three of my closest friends. You know who you are :)
I have evolved from a nice bully, to the girly girl who loves pink. But even through the transformation process I have been wary of letting people know the real me. I tend not to let people know how I feel. More of a closed book; I usually shy away from confrontations.
Its over the past few months I have realised that I do talk non-stop, specially when surrounded by my best mates. Today was yet another day when the power of best friends was reassured. She knew what I was thinking, she knew how I felt. SO SO Spooky !! And I love her so much for that.
A couple of months back, I was having a conversation with a best friend, who I had almost lost. The "toilet conversation" eventually led me to believe that it is not that hard to let people in.
Yeah, sure people will bully you, people will take you for granted. People will even spread rumors about you. But a true best friend will stick with you throughout. A true best friend will drag you to classes, a true best friend will listen to your confessions. A true best friend is not a diamond she is a star. A star you will always hold close to your heart.
My best friend not only stands by me when I am stressing out about trivial things...the innumerable times she has told me she KNOWS I can do it...but also sits with you on a rickety bench in Harrow, rating boys! I have had the priviledge of having best friends, people who are so unlike me and yet understand me so well. People with whom I don't have to have a conversation for them to understand how I feel. People who are far away from me yet everytime we meet me she still bullies me into DOING THE RIGHT THING! I don't need to talk to my best friend everyday, yet everytime we meet, we start conversations as if we were never apart.
As a child I always had a problem writing the essay titled, MY BEST FRIEND. I think I have accomplished that mammoth of a task today, and thinking about it brings a smile on face.

PS: Love to Steeeeefan my Man, Zoop Zoop and Sonyum :)

gosh...almost a week since my last blog !!
Today, I was woken by the loud noise of the garbage truck. Groggy, I managed to switch on some music on my laptop and get myself a warm cuppa coffee. Listening to Michael Learns to Rock, I wished I was a kid again. I know you must be wondering what MLTR has to do with childhood...but it holds a special place in my heart. Since I am the youngest of the three siblings, I was often at the receiving end of my sister's music collection, which included songs like Can't touch this, Ice Ice Baby, Someday, Paint my love, Nothings gonna change my love for you, I'll be missing you, Last Christmas, Wake me up before you GO GO (this still makes me laugh!!), Father figure, Saturday Night and oh I could go on.
So instead of being a Disney baby, I was more a MTV (wild) child. Back in the days I didn't have a care in the world. Maths was the only thing that bothered me and besides that life was a smooth sail.
Children have it so easy. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up so that people could take me seriously. Well not much has changed since then, I still want people to take me seriously with the exception that now I want to be a kid again. As a child, my parents would always tell me how I have it easy, and I would retort by saying that I want to be an adult so that people understand me. I wish I could go back in my past and tell Mini Me, that I don't have to look forward to becoming an adult because people would still not take me seriously!
I have no regrets, I really don't. I have done loads of things which I know I shouldn't...but hey what would life be without a little excitement? And you do learn from your mistakes. I have had quite a roller coaster of a life so far, and yes, people still treat me like a child and I am still not understood. Added to the miseries is that noone takes me seriously ! Ahhh...the turmoils of an adult life, which a child is prevented from.
If I could, I would go back in the past, just to have a satisfied year full of smiles and no worries. If I could, I would go back in the past, and tell Mini Me, she has the best the world could offer. If I could, I would go back in the past, and enjoy a long breath of carefree being. If I could I would go back in the past, and believe in the words uttered by my parents, "You have it easy because you are still young, make the most of it."

OMG!!! just saw the new episode of One Tree Hill....and loved it sooo much !! OH the drama !! Best episode everrrrrrrrrrr !!!! x

Jingle Bells,
Batman smells,
Happy Halloween.
Oh what fun it is to ride,
In a yellow submarine.

Why do I keep avoiding going to Sainsburys?
I have just spent the past 45 minutes in my kitchen, looking for food, believing that I have food in the fridge. I was soooo wrong ! The only thing edible in my fridge is Melons, not what I had planned for dinner !
After days of going hungry, I finally decided to cook myself a delicious meal- an Indian meal aka HARD WORK. Instead I was thwarted by the emptiness of my refrigerator. I have been thinking about making peas curry for myself for quite some time now. Pleased with the fact, I ignored my tummy's growling when I passed a welcoming Pret. To cook peas curry, the main ingredient is, but of course, PEAS. As I searched my fridge in vain, I realised that my portion of peas has gone missing. After much thought I remembered the last time I cooked, during which I emptied the peas packet into my then delicious curry. Disappointed as I was, I wasn't ready to give up on my mission to cook. So I searched the freezer for frozen parathas. An easy option, but yet again I faced disappointment when I realised I don't have any packets of frozen Parathas. Searching all the shelves, the only eatable options I found were:
1) Maggi (not dinner material)
2) Popcorn (yet again not dinner material)
3) Pasta (not my favourite one, and that too on the top shelf !)

Talk about mission impossible !
And I wonder why do I avoid going to Sainsburys? I mean its barely minutes away from home. But think about it this way. Aisles of freezers, bright lights that blind you, and happy families around, eugh, the thought makes me sick ! To add to the woes, walking home alone, with bags full of heavy unwanted food. I say unwanted for a reason. Shopping on a hungry tummy makes you want to pick up every food item you see. I do not wish to bring home a tub of Phish Food or a frozen pizza ! I shall only regret later.
As I console myself with illogical reasons, I reach for the telephone to call for yet another meal on wheels ! There goes my resolution for healthy eating...*sigh*

Nicknames

Oh how I love nicknames. Last night I was trying to remember the different names people call me and here are a few I remember.

Shrutters *love this one*
Shrutinderjit *don't even ask*
Shrutz *used to love it at one point of my life but absolutely hate it now*
Trendy Wendy *self imposed ;)*
Guddi *ahem*
Guds *ermmm*
Gud-day *my lil cousin used to call me that...laughs*
Moti *my brother gave me that name and it hasn't changed over the years*
Guddia *mommy daddy call me this :)*
Guddu Rani *lol...my uncle calls me that...cheesy I know..but it brings a smile on my face*
Shrutu *absolutely love it*
Quapa Nerd *this one makes me laugh*
Stinking lil Poo *don't ask!!!*
Rapchik Fairy
Drama Queen *coz thats who I am!!*
KalamWali Bai *coz the pen is mightier than the Mop!*

Thats all for now folks!!!

I think people can smell fear. I have never felt so scared in all my life. Being in an unknown place not only daunted me, it took away all the confidence I had.
The only way I have known to cope with London is to put on a brave face. I try seeing the light at the end of the tunnel to get rid of the darkness around me. And thats made me what I am today- cold and ruthless. I am callous and I don't care about other people. I put on a mask but noone really knows who I am. But is it really worth it?
I believe it is. Why trust someone only to be heart broken in the end? Why give a 100% for nothing? I am in a terrible state right now, I hate who I am and I hate everything around me. I need a change, a positive one. I don't need a hero to save me, coz a hero is nothing but a man who doesn't even know how to wear his underpants! But I do need comfort. I need reassuarnce, and I need to know I am still the STAR I was once.
People say I am pretty, but for what? I don't want to be judged as a bimbette with trendy clothes. I am much deeper than most people take me for. I am not stupid, I am not irresponsible, I just live in my own world. The only person I trust is myself and that is my fault alone. In all these years I resent that I have become more hateful than ever. My prettiness, my giggles hide true feelings, if only you would dig deeper.
I contradict myself, I forget things, but I am still me !! Words flow out of my mouth, my fingers seem to want to write everything down, but I fear the reaction.
I am scared of the world, I am scared of the future. But most of all I am scared of the one person I shouldn't be scared of. I hold my feelings for myself alone, I pretend to live in a world I am not even a part of. I have given up on most of my dreams a long time ago. And slowly I will give up on the one dream I have ever cherished.

PS: I am still craving falafels !!
PPS: I hate the bakerloo line!

Its 1am and i still can't get sleep !! Sitting in this dark and comparitively empty room, listening to linger, I wonder what made me come to a strange new city. I am not the kind of person who gets homesick, but as the work pressure increases I miss being with family. I miss having people I could depend on. I miss chilling with mom, I miss the fact that my family could always get a reaction out of me. These days to actually get a true reaction from me is such a rarity.
I had my smoke meeting today, and surprise surprise, the smoke has been banned yet again ! This is really frustrating me. It all seems to boil down to the news team and well I do take the responsibility but the lack of communication is killing me !!
I feel like a lost child, a mute. I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. When is it alright to throw the towel and walk away? When is alright to run away from your demons? Sooner maybe than later, before the demons eat up everything you believe in.