Music to my ears

I'm not one for instrumental songs, I LIKE lyrics. I stumbled upon the video of 'Explosions in the Sky' and fell in love. Check out the videos below, top notch, aye!







If you don't like any, well then you are a cold heartless twat...sorry! :)

Singledom

Last night I had gone out feeling very Carrie Bradshaw-ish. Before we all jump to assumptions that "Of course I'd want to be Carrie Bradshaw because I'm me...blah blah" let me clarify - I am not a Sex & The City fan. The only reason I watched the movie was for the clothes and the only reason I watched the re-runs was so that I could understand the movie. Makes sense? Well, in my head it does!

I only realized how Carrie-esque (mixed with a little bit of Blair Waldorf) I was, when I stumbled home in the wee hours of the morning, stood in front of the mirror - one hand on hip, the clutch tucked firmly under other arm, heels, pose et all. Not a bad look I'd say since quite a large chunk of the female population want to be her.

Anyway, back to last night. It was a good night, I'd say. I danced - which if you knew me is a HUGGGGEEEE deal. I don't dance, unless I'm alone in my house (well then I dance a lot, while cooking, while getting ready...basically all the time).

So there I was, required Jack & Coke in hand, looking uber trendy, dancing the night away, and I realized I'm doomed to be single. The realization dawned on me just like that, as I was leaning against a chair, giving my aching feet some much required rest, when SNAP! it hit me, I'm officially a member of SINGLEDOM. It didn't help that the peeps I had gone out with were ALL coupled up! SUCKS! I never imagined myself to be the single friend.

Suddenly, from being the girl with a "successful" (or long, for me it makes no difference coz relationships are never a success story) relationship, I have now been pushed into the "single girls" category. This is not the "hot girl single" category. Oh no no no my dear friend, this is that "over 25 poor you don't have a guy" category.

I get that look too, you know, when someone realizes I belong to THAT category. Everyone automatically assumes I'm coupled up. The "aww, you poor girl" with the head tilt look or worse the shocked "how can you be single" look. And then I get clubbed into the divorcee, the girl with the long distance boyfriend and the fug group. SUCKS!

I don't mind being single, really! Although being clubbed into the single girls group or the getting sympathy looks kinda is a bummer. Maybe I just need more single friends!

xxx

Phone call

This is purely fictional. I wrote this a while back to experiment with different styles of writing - I wanted to know if I could write a chick novel or not. This is a conversation between two friends (I tried to make it super girly). I don't like it much - it doesn't lead anywhere, but I thought I'll post it here as it has been lying around hidden on my laptop - thought I'd show it some light of the day.



She had been staring at her computer screen for a little less than an hour. Her notes scrawled in her childish handwriting on her notebook lay next to the black laptop, the blank page of Microsoft glared at her.
She picked up her phone, looked at the time, checked for new messages, played a game or two. “Inspiration, inspiration…” she muttered. The fact that La Roux was melodically screaming she’s bulletproof on Radio 1, didn’t help the thoughts flow any easier.
“It’s a trend report, how hard could it be” she sighed. Of course, it was a mammoth task when your entire career depended on it. This one article – maybe, hopefully could land her a job, any job! Or not, depending on how dependable people were.
December 28th, 2009 and Zi was glad the terrible year was coming to an end. The trouble with being 24 is, she thought, you are like a little bird, glad to be alive – but still dependent on others. “Oh lordy, lordy, make things alright already!” she screamed to no one in particular.

The phone rang, Zi let it go to the answer phone – inspiration was still a far cry away. “Hello my lil’ fashionista, we missed you at the party last night. I met that guy again, he asked about you and wasn’t surprised when I mentioned you were home, probably buried under a pile of pillows...” Zi leaped on to grab the phone – “What do you mean he wasn’t surprised?” A crackle of laughter came from the other end, “Anne, you know you sound like a hyena when you laugh like that” “Hyena or not, I knew you would pick up the phone as soon as I mentioned him.” “Well, that’s no fair, I was just working on my article” A long silence followed, then more laughter. “Is that Fearne Cotton I hear in the background? Dah-ling Zi, I know you think she’s fashionable and all, but living vicariously through her won’t help you, anyhoo, I’m coming over. Lovely, go take a shower – I have news you might like, toodles.” Click.

Zi was left mumbling, as she glanced a look in the mirror. How does your best friend know that you still haven’t showered at four pm, she thought. Anne, or Annabell Foxely may not be the best influence, but she was the best friend a girl could ask for. She walked like she owned the world, didn’t give a damn about the rumors circulating about her and loved Zi like a sister. To top it she was drop dead gorgeous, those bones could give Kate Moss a run for her money. But Anne’s idea about modelling, like everything else, was a bit extreme – “Modelling is like prostitution, and I don’t sell my body. It’s only for me & the men I choose to devour on – exclusive you know.” Anne would proclaim. That girl was crazy, Zi thought.


Right then, she switched her laptop off and ran to the bathroom to scrub herself clean for the big news her bestie was about to lay down on her.


xxx

I am who I am; your approval is not needed !

I was sipping coffee this morning, very much minding my own business, when all of a sudden one of my cousins (I have loads!) remarks that I'm very different from the rest. Well, I've heard this one before.

Anyway, back to this morning. So when my cousins made this remark, my aunt chipped in and said that it was only last night that she was having a discussion with her husband (o.m.g. people discussing me - hate hate hate!!!) of how different I am. In fact my uncle went to the extent of wondering, who am I like, I'm not like my father or my mother - both of whom are highly sociable people. I'm neither like my siblings - throw them in a crowd and they'd come out winning hearts! Me? Well, I'm more reserved. Not to people I know well, but I have my moods and of late I have just shut myself from everyone. It's a terrible thing, I know!

In the past couple of years, every time I exclaimed I'm anti-social or it's hard for me to make friends, I'd have people laugh at me saying that throw me in any situation and I'm bound to make people like me. This was said by few of my closest peeps, so I think they are a bit biased when it comes to my charm.

So who am I like, if not my family? If you had a look at the quieter side of me and you knew my family, you wouldn't think I was a part of them. I can shut myself out for months, and only ever rely on myself to get over my grief. It's not that I don't need anyone - heck, I love my family and it's nice to know they are the one stable factor in my life. They are my past, present and future. I see myself in them a lot, and the days I don't, I know I'm still a part of them no matter how far I try to run away.

My brother, in fact is the only one who can reach me when I'm in one of my moods and in his vicinity.

All my life, I fought to be different, to like different things, to choose my own life. I have that now. And I know, my family has let me be everything I want to be.

Irrespective of whether I choose to party all night or be a batliwali the fact remains I am like my family in more ways than meets the eye.

I don't really think I am all that different. Heck, I'm not special at all. And you know what? Finally, after all these years, I'm happy being ordinary. I am me.


xxx

What have I become, my sweetest friend?*

I suppose society is wonderfully delightful. To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of it is simply a tragedy.

- Oscar Wilde


On 31st January 2010, I was extremely upset. Finally, after being shaken out of it, I managed to mumble that I'd like what she's having.This 'she' was someone I knew in London - perfect job, perfect boyfriend, the good life. 'She' is younger than me, so I wanted all this soon, I was really sick of waiting. It wasn't a case of envy, I just wanted my dreams to come true, enough already!

In exactly a month, I'll be turning twenty-five.I'm actually looking forward to this birthday more than any other year. I'm supposed to be all grown up now. So, I did live up to part of my deadline, I did land the dream job but alas, I feel I lost a lot along the way. It's hard for me to be happy, when I have no one to be happy with.

Loneliness is something I've always battled. But this time it's been worse. In particular, I hate weekends, absolutely detest Sundays. Today, is a Sunday - the worst in the past three and a half months. I used to look forward to them, now I wish I could lay in bed, locked in the room all day and just wait for Monday to come. Mondays are better, at least I have things to look forward to, even if it's trying to settle in office.

"Everyone I love, goes away in the end."*



It sucks, no one has time for me. I'm sorry for this rant, but I'm trying to get over my heart hurting so much.

xxx

*Lyrics from Hurt by Johnny Cash

I *heart* EM cartoons

Her website http://www.emcartoons.com/

Men are idiots...clearly!

xxx

Bloggity, blog!

So I've started blogging again, eh? Well, I'd like to hope so. I still have very limited access to the intarwebz so I'm not promising anything.

Besides being on a general low for the past few days/weeks (I've lost count of how long it has been) I don't know if I can muster up any fun stories. And we all hate emos (actually, I don't but whatever!!)

I have a story that I want to post on to here, it's not a sad one, it's incomplete and it's very girly! I'm never going to finish writing that, but I want to post it never the less. Feedback would be mucho appreciated.

For now, here's a song I love (oh god, it feels good to have access to Youtube!!!), 'Why don't you love' By Beyonce <3

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
Why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

There's nothing not to love about me
No, no, there's nothing not to love about me
I'm lovely
There's nothing not to need about me
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me
Maybe you're just not the one
Or maybe you're just plain....... DUMB

xxx

Norwegian Wood

I just finished reading a really good book. I was regretting the end of it much before it came. Devouring every page like it was chocolate, making sure I always had a little left for tomorrow.

Norwegian Wood, by Haruki Murakami, is a book I loved so much that I actually want to hide it and never ever look at it again. Strange, I know! Compared to all the other books, such as TheSun Also Rises, Purple Hibiscus and even Let me Go, that I have loved, I have always wanted to re-read it. But with Norwegian Wood, the minute I shut it for the last time today, I literally hid it under my bag - it's a sad story, a very very sad story.

Unlike most sad stories, I didn't cry at the end of this. (Mainly because, I think I've cried myself out for everything else that has been hurting me...I have no tears left!) I'm just filled with this empty feeling.

The story is about a boy, Watanbe whose best friend kills himself when he's 17. He carries on with life, moves to Tokyo and bumps into his dead best friend's girlfriend. To get over her grief, she too moves away from their home town. Soon enough they form a friendship and then fall in love. To cut a long story short, Naoko (the girlfriend) is extremely troubled in life and ends up in an asylum. Watanbe tries to be there and goes on coping with his life. Unexpectedly, he befriends and falls in love with a girl from his class Midori. Although, it's not until the very end that he realises it's love! It's easy to love two or more people at the same time, it's only human. The boundaries, though, that one creates is what makes us better or worse. I love the way the boundaries and the understanding between the characters are drawn.

It's not a love story, it's a sad story - possibly the saddest book I've read in the longest time, and that too at a very wrong part of my life!

There's a line in the book (and even though it sounds romantic - it probably is) that has been stuck in my head since I read it. Midori tells this to Watanbe:

"I'm not going to believe in any damned revolution. Love is all I'm going to believe in."

And to be honest, this quote hits all the right notes with me, conjuring up emotions I never knew I had.

Naoko dies in the end. I'm guessing whoever reads my blog will not be rushing to buy a copy for themselves - the books and music I love are usually not liked by you lot (I know, I know!) Anyway, the reason I'm writing this post is not to review the book per se, but to be able to put my feelings down about it. I'd have loved to talk to someone whose read the book, but alas (!) I'm a lonely cat.

I chose this book amongst the many other Murakamis because, I loved the way the author describes Watanbe's memory of Naoko. It's enough to make you fall in love.
I don't know - this is probably a very stupid feeling, but with the end of this book, I almost felt like a part of me had reached its end. Like I said, a very stupid feeling, but with what's been happening lately, I know how I can put things like this to context.

Anyway, I'm sad. I love the book, and it's a beautiful story. Truly touching. Read it, if you like sad stories like me, don't if you are a cold, twisted, heartless human being!

Also, here's the song Norwegian Wood by the Beatles, enjoy :)




xxx