I think people can smell fear. I have never felt so scared in all my life. Being in an unknown place not only daunted me, it took away all the confidence I had.
The only way I have known to cope with London is to put on a brave face. I try seeing the light at the end of the tunnel to get rid of the darkness around me. And thats made me what I am today- cold and ruthless. I am callous and I don't care about other people. I put on a mask but noone really knows who I am. But is it really worth it?
I believe it is. Why trust someone only to be heart broken in the end? Why give a 100% for nothing? I am in a terrible state right now, I hate who I am and I hate everything around me. I need a change, a positive one. I don't need a hero to save me, coz a hero is nothing but a man who doesn't even know how to wear his underpants! But I do need comfort. I need reassuarnce, and I need to know I am still the STAR I was once.
People say I am pretty, but for what? I don't want to be judged as a bimbette with trendy clothes. I am much deeper than most people take me for. I am not stupid, I am not irresponsible, I just live in my own world. The only person I trust is myself and that is my fault alone. In all these years I resent that I have become more hateful than ever. My prettiness, my giggles hide true feelings, if only you would dig deeper.
I contradict myself, I forget things, but I am still me !! Words flow out of my mouth, my fingers seem to want to write everything down, but I fear the reaction.
I am scared of the world, I am scared of the future. But most of all I am scared of the one person I shouldn't be scared of. I hold my feelings for myself alone, I pretend to live in a world I am not even a part of. I have given up on most of my dreams a long time ago. And slowly I will give up on the one dream I have ever cherished.

PS: I am still craving falafels !!
PPS: I hate the bakerloo line!