Ra ra ra roma ma ma, ga ga ga oo la la !

It's simple to say I *heart* her



I want your leather studded kisses !! <3

xxx

Love and Marriage

There's something about the term "marriage" that sends chills down my back, and not in a good kind of way ! For some crazy reason, I don't believe in it at all.

I know, somewhere along the line, I will get married. It might be outta sheer pressure from my parents or because I'd want to spend every second of my life with someone who actually loves waking up next to me. I don't know.

A bunch of my close school friends are married now. When I say a bunch, three out of the five or six of us. I was hanging out with them the other day, I ended up quietly brooding in one corner, mainly because the topic of conversation revolved around jewelery and marriage ! Two things, I don't like, unless it's Erickson Beamon jewelery!

This freaks me out ! I know it shouldn't freak out a girl whose twenty four and a half year old who has been raised to believe that the right age for a girl to get married is twenty three, but it does !

I'm a big cynic when it comes to things like love and marriage. I refuse to believe that someone could love another person so much for the rest of their lives. The whole idea of taking someone for granted creeps in and I LOVE the unpredictable. How many husbands randomly get flowers for their wives? Life creeps in, kids creep in, priorities change. I'm not selfish and I understand that as you grow older, life changes and other things require more attention than whispering cute nothings (total cheese no!!) Love shove fades away and all you are left with is a very hectic life ! I understand that love can be a very simple gesture, like having your partner's coffee ready every morning because you know if you don't keep it ready she'll be running late ! It's the simple things in life no? So when these simple things cease to exist then what?

The kind of guy I would want to be with probably doesn't exit. I'd have to carve him out myself. This guy would totally be totally comfortable with my long silences AND my crazy antics !! He would understand that I'm full of contradictions, that one day I'd be totally pro marriage and the next day I'd be anti it, he'd know that even though I work in the fashion industry, I often find people like me empty and shallow and thus I constantly try to like everything else but fashion ! He would know that I'm so full of emotion that I could cry and laugh at the same time (I'm weird!!) He would understand and also encourage the fact that I love work more than I could ever love a guy! He would be okay with the fact that I'm a little fucked up in my head! I've been with guys who don't bat an eyelid when I cry, to guys who would freak out if I so much as said "ouch" on the phone ! There is a long list and I don't know if anyone would fit in. I'm not demanding, I don't like materialistic things. I'd rather get a random call saying "Hey dude, I freakin love you" rather than a Louis V ! youkowwhatimsayin?

I once got into a conversation with a friend, who was completely surprised that I don't believe in marriage, even though I have not seen one broken marriage ! We came to the conclusion, I'm scared of marriage, simply because there is a lot of peer and other pressure for me to settle down with a normal life! Marriage wouldn't be so scary if I was allowed to do it at my own time. Surely, if you love you don't need to put it in writing so that society accepts & respects you as a couple? I feel marriage is more a social obligation than something that makes a couple happy! I maybe wrong, but then again it's my blog, my opinion !!

To be honest, I don't even know if love exists or if it is simply a term you put together when two people just want to be with each other for completely selfish reasons?

xxx

Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man

So it's kinda known that I don't write happy posts. You can't say I didn't try, "Happiness for sale" was a pretty happy post, no?

But the fact is, of late, I'm actually really happy :) I have Tiny Dancer by Elton John constantly stuck in my head and I dance a little when no one is looking, of course I'm not crazy to dance when someone IS looking ! :P

I have a job, it's not the ideal job, but it's a job nonetheless AND if anyone who knows me, will know, I'd rather be doing something than sit at home. I love the idea of waking up early and actually have something to do with my life. My job can be pretty sucky and I get hit by massive dust allergy as soon as I walk into my office (imagine, Shrutters sneezing throughout the day!!), but I love love love love that I'm doing something.

The thing is, I'm not the kinda person who likes to go shopping and for lunches and stuff all the time. I have this innate desire to do something other than that, maybe that's why I'm so fuckin' scared of ever becoming a housewife !! Although saying that, if I do ever become a housewife, I'd be the motherfucking best Stepford Wife ever !!

Also, since I've moved to Bombay now, I have an inkling I just might might might be able to do things I always wanted to. The thing about Bombay is, you get the opportunity. I'm away this weekend, but there is the Kala Ghoda festival going on, and I love that festival. It's so artsy and kitschy! Also, every time I read about a random play or art show in the paper, I make a mental note that I'll go for it. There was this art show about modern Krishna & his sexuality (I know, I know) and it's a collection of photographs, that I thought was pretty cool. There was this one picture with a dude dressed up as modern Krishna riding a Vespa I think (I *heart* Vespa OK!!)

Right now, I'm still settling in, but I'm pretty damn sure that I'll end up doing a lot of things I've wanted to, I'd be darned if I don't !!



So let me go back to my dancing, I'll write an emo post soon, I promise :D

xxxx

C'est la vie, mon cherie

Life is a funny thing. A dark comedy at it's best.

Yesterday, my uncle started a discussion. He asked, " what is more important in life?" It was a multiple choice question, to which he argued, breath is most important in life, without breath, you can't have a life. My sister and I argued happiness is more important - what is the use of breathing daily when you are unhappy?

I've always believed life is really about chasing happiness. Now, happiness can mean different things to different people. For some its wealth, for some it's the affection of their kids, for some it's having at the very least three meals and a roof to live under. Happiness is what we all aim for.

Happiness along with content is what life is all about. Life is hard, why make it more complicated?

I love the Persian saying, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

We all want a lot of happiness, true and it's not bad to want to be happy. But we need to understand what happiness and being content truly means.

I have met so many people who hate their jobs. I'm sorry you feel that you can't contribute enough, or achieve what you want to in your job. But think a second about those people who have lost their jobs or don't have a job at all, even though they believe they have the potential.

I worked hard through my university days, I was always bordering towards below average in school. When I moved to London, I wanted to prove to a lot of people that I am capable. I wanted a good job, so I studies, interned, worked in the uni newspaper, uni tv, and even tried my hand at hospital radio.

I don't come from a background where girls or even boys are allowed to do whatever they want.

Two years after graduating, I'm still unemployed. It hurts.

I don't believe in regrets, but since we are on the topic of life, I thought I'll share one thing that has completely altered my life.

The day I moved back from India. Maybe in a few years' time I won't be filled with such remorse. But I wish I could go back to life pre-October 2009. For most of the time, I was happy. I was content. And it was because I had the one thing in my life there, that refuses to come here with me. I had moments of sheer depression and frustration in London, but nothing compared to this.

"Loneliness is the most terrible poverty." But when you are surrounded even by familiar faces and you feel alone, that's terrible! To know, that not a single one of them knows you, it hurts.

I feel broken to the point of no repair. I feel alone and I don't know where I belong.

Yes, indeed in life you could have everything, all the luxuries and amenities, but it all fails when your heart is crying out for help.

I've had this song playing in loop in my head the last couple of days, and it seems so right:

"I haven't really found a place I call home,

I never really stick around long to make it...it's just a thought, only a thought."

- life for rent by di

*sorry I don't remember the correct lyrics, but the song fits.

* loneliness quote by Mother Theresa

Xxx