And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. - Abraham Lincoln
At the age of fourteen I penned down my life. I penned down what I wanted to study, what I wanted to avoid, what I wanted to become. Except for a few minor changes I have managed to abide by my decisions. I am extremely stubborn and contrary to what people believe I am a perfectionist, or so I would like to believe.
So far things have gone to plan, with the obvious involvement of the general and often overwhelming emotions. Now at the age of twenty-two, eight years after my decision, I am clueless. This scares me. Yes, I am over-emotional, over-dramatic and over-analytical, but the fact that I feel like I have no control over my life is the single most scariest emotion.
My life is right now is in the hands on the few dozen prospective employers who I hope will employ me sooner during the day. I have worked hard, I fought twice as hard to be recognized, studied harder than most to be able to get grades that will ensure a good career, met the right kind of people, yet today I feel all that has been a waste.
A woman who I have been in touch with to get me a simple week of work experience in a company has not even read my CV ! Sheer disappointment followed by extreme frustration.
I want to start all over again. I am losing whatever little sense of self I had, I am turning into another face in the crowd, something I have despised for a long time.
I need to hold on to my sanity, I need to believe...but these words just seem so empty. The light at the end of the tunnel is so far that I cannot see it, I fear I may not see it for a very long time now.
