Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Lament

I don't regret things much, but today I do regret something...something big....and the following lyrics sum it up for me....

She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger

- Whiskey Lullaby

....I don't think this is a break up song...I love this song, I love the feeling of love in it...It's the feeling of what could've been.

xxx

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

aaaahhh I am sooooo happy !!!! I'll be earning REAL bucks next week !!! it is not a long term job yet but I am sooo happy to be earning some moooolah on my own terms !!! Ka-Ching !!!!!
xxxxx

Monday, September 10, 2007

I need a job ! so badly ! so desperately ! I need to have a reason ! and i need it now ! anyone knows anyone who can get me a job in some media company? preferably a paid job ! I'm sick of doing voluntary jobs ! i need a life !! *sigh*
Have you ever been to a place in your life where you have this queasy feeling? It is not quite fulfilling yet it is not wholly empty ! It's got the sensation to lift you up yet everything is quite a blur ! I can't really explain it !
I'm feeling pretty okay, I'm not really in touch with the world today, my msn keeps beeping and the songs keep playing on my iTunes.I just ignore everything to live in my world. I'm listening to my favourite song on the loop, but unusually enough I am not lingering on to its words.
I maybe going slightly insane because I feel this strange kind of happiness engulf me it's big strong arms. I creep a little smile but I am scared to jinx it.
Last night I lay awake writing this poem in my head...I shut my eyes hard to retain all the words and mark it down on a paper. But my mind feels busy today, and I forget things easily. I want to do a thousand and one things, I am supposed to do a million and yet I stop at the first thing and ponder till the day comes to an end.
I want to watch films all day long, I don't need anyone right now. I am happy being me, I am happy being with me.
I know this is short lived, happiness is like a distant relative, one who visits only when he (strangely enough happiness is a male!) needs me.
Hum dee dum I shall bask in the glory of this distant relative today.
If this blog post makes no sense, forgive me please, because I am happy !

xxx

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln


At the age of fourteen I penned down my life. I penned down what I wanted to study, what I wanted to avoid, what I wanted to become. Except for a few minor changes I have managed to abide by my decisions. I am extremely stubborn and contrary to what people believe I am a perfectionist, or so I would like to believe.
So far things have gone to plan, with the obvious involvement of the general and often overwhelming emotions. Now at the age of twenty-two, eight years after my decision, I am clueless. This scares me. Yes, I am over-emotional, over-dramatic and over-analytical, but the fact that I feel like I have no control over my life is the single most scariest emotion.
My life is right now is in the hands on the few dozen prospective employers who I hope will employ me sooner during the day. I have worked hard, I fought twice as hard to be recognized, studied harder than most to be able to get grades that will ensure a good career, met the right kind of people, yet today I feel all that has been a waste.
A woman who I have been in touch with to get me a simple week of work experience in a company has not even read my CV ! Sheer disappointment followed by extreme frustration.
I want to start all over again. I am losing whatever little sense of self I had, I am turning into another face in the crowd, something I have despised for a long time.
I need to hold on to my sanity, I need to believe...but these words just seem so empty. The light at the end of the tunnel is so far that I cannot see it, I fear I may not see it for a very long time now.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I LIKE SEMI NAKED SPARTANS ! I THINK THEY ARE HOT !! 300 IS AN AWESOME FILM ! BBOOOHOOO LADDDOOOO CHOWDHURY !!! bwhaahahaha

xxx

Friday, August 24, 2007

Technology makes life easier...easy for stalkers too ! I just got this fine message from some guy, who wrote a long paragraph describing my beauty ! Flattering indeed, it was a bit freaky as that guy spoke about love at first sight and would talk about my smile and my eyes and what not !! Just thinking back about it gives me shudders !
I'm sure this guy has no intention of stalking me. Maybe he is just a computer geek who likes checking people out on myspace! Besides how can someone notice soooo much from one picture...? Maybe I am a minger, and that one mugshot of mine was the only thing worth putting of a website !
I have had a friend who has been offered a meal to be cooked for her by a complete stranger on a social network! We had a few girly giggles over it, the thought of a stranger cooking in the name of your beauty still cracks us up !
Come to think of it...we do let complete strangers come into our lives. Freaks we get so fond of that we start referring to them as friends, partners or colleagues ! These freaks may not necessarily be part of social networking websites, and the first introduction could have been more "human". But at the end of the day everyone we know today, except family of course.
This is not to say that we should jump if someone checks your orkut profile 100 times a day or befriend the guy who just wouldn't stop poking you on facebook! I have had a tough time with strangers I have met, yet my blog is mostly dedicated to all those strangers I have encountered who make my life so worthwhile, mostly with their sheer stupidity !
I would no longer be comfortable with talking to a stranger through a social network, because everyone now seems to be a sex fiend, but I know overall two people who I have met so randomly who are the greatest and funniest people in my life !
I do think strangers are nice people, but only nice from far.

XXX

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I'M HAPPY !!!
aaaahhh you get such few moments of sheer happiness these days I wanna cherish this moment !!! Dayum I feel gooooooooooooooood :D

xoxoxoxoxox

Thursday, August 16, 2007

“Homesickness is. . . absolutely nothing. Fifty percent of the people in the world are homesick all the time. You don't really long for another country. You long for something in yourself that you don't have, or haven't been able to find.”

I have little idea who that quote is from but it sums up the way I feel right now. Being the youngest child of my clan I have been the most pampered and spoilt and probably the most rebellious. I have got my way through and have been adored even when I shouldv'e been despised. I guess that has been one of the reasons why I took family and love for granted.
Of late I have been missing my family a lot, and have started whining more than usual. After I returned from India, I started missing life out there, soon after I left for Spain and fell in love with the country. After a merry filled holiday I returned to boredom infused days and nights in London. Now I miss Spain. Spain is not my home, so why am I homesick for it?
The above quote got me thinking about all this homesickness business. I've not known a person who misses HOME, because surely wherever you build up your nest, that is home. Homesickness is indeed just a feeling of emptiness mixed with the fear of being alone.
I've never ever truly lived alone. I've always had someone to keep me company, someone in the nearby room who I could simply sit and gossip with. Ever since I've moved to my new house (which BTW I love!!) I feel empty. Whether I walk around the entire house or poke my head out of the window, I'm not going to get a response. No girly giggles, no shrill voices, no banging of kitchen utensils, absolutely nothing! I think it is this silence that makes you miss what you have had otherwise.
This gets me to another point, humans are lonely people. Even the most social moth finds solace in the occassional self pondering ! So why does loneliness affect so much? If a person prefers to seek comfort in his or her own company we often mock them by calling them a LONER! Life sure is unfair and oh so confusing !
I think I'm at a point in my life where I've just left behind a very vibrant fast-paced lifestyle and I guess this is what has been annoying me. I think people need people, they way light bounces of something to make it beautiful, people need other people to bounce their feelings and emotions of, even if they are not the most philosophical ones.
Does this imply to soulmates though? Are there actually people who your soul is connected to? If so, how are you to know when that connection is made? Doesn't that connection ever fizzle out? Do soulmates make loneliness more bearable? The worst bit about soul mates is you might just meet them at the wrong time...and your life doesn't ever get a meaning then....

Home is where the heart is...but what if your heart longs for a million places !!

Bit too emotional for me...but hey this is what loneliness does to you !! pffft !

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

For the past couple of years I have been dreaming of becoming a war journalist. Of the many, I am especially inspired by Barkha Dutt, an Indian female journalist who reported the Kargil war.
As I wound up my journalism degree I became more wary of war journalism, it is afterall, not for the light hearted. The US journalist Daniel Pearl was killed in an "act of barbarism." Ever since then, we have heard numerous stories of journalists being kidnapped in war torn areas. Family and friends have warned me from entering such a hazardous career, and I am still undecided.
Hugh Barnes, my professor at University was a war correspondent and he seems to have survived. The stories I have heard from him enthrall me and I have massive amount of respect for every journalist who throws themselves in a war zone in order to report facts.
I once had an argument with a bunch of PR students, who believed the gruesome details of war should not be reported! For some one who lives on freedom of speech even in my everyday life, this was a shock! Such a harsh statement grilled through many of the journalists students present in the room, and in the end we showed them who was the boss !!!
In the last few months I worked at the BBC, met journalists from all aspects of the field, heard talks from BBC security correspondent Gordon Correra, shared Skittles with Adam Holloway, who was a senior reporter at ITN covering issues in Bosnia, and Afghanistan, and is currently a Member of Parliament. The more I meet such interesting journalists the more I want to be one of the them.
On March 12, BBC correspondent, Alan Johnston was abducted from Gaza and since then a Palestinian group, Army of Islam has taken responsibility. The group has demanded the release of Abu Qatada. For those who don't know Abu Qatada, he is the "spiritual ambassador in Europe" of Osama Bin Laden and is currently behind bars. As someone who has been pre-warned about joining the field of war journalism, my heart goes out to the family and friends of Alan Johnston. I have signed on a petition calling on anyone who has any influence on the situation to increase their efforts to secure his return. It would be great, if you could click on the following link and do the same. You may be from a different country and might not have even heard of Alan Johnston, but I urge you to sign up, as he is one of us, and noone deserves to be treated this way just for doing his job.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6518185.stm

The BBC are doing everything to keep us updated, and if you want to know more please visit the site. The Government are in talks with Abu Qatada to appeal to the Army of Islam to release Alan Johnston. Thank you for signing up. Please help spread the word, a little help could go a long way.

Alan Johnston banner

Friday, February 23, 2007

Monday, February 05, 2007

LINGUISTICALLY CHALLENGED!


Cute Guy at the Bar: La Bella
ME: What? I don't understand
CGATB: La Bella (points at ME)
ME: What? I don't understand...English please!
CGATB (just as drunk as me): La Bella
ME: I don't understand Spanish or whatever....(walks away)


*sigh*


ME = DUMB FUCK WHO DOES NOT KNOW THAT LA BELLA MEANS BEAUTIFUL IN ITALIAN...not spanish my friends...ITALIAN!!! I'm not rude, I do like accepting compliments. But I'm just Linguistically Challenged !

*slaps her head for being so stupid*

:(

xx

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


I will have ONE of THAT, please!

Temptations...temptations....temptations!! How does one remain loyal to the boyfriend with so many temptations around? This is not to say I will leave my loving boyfriend for every Tom, Dick, Harry, not only are those name are simply disgusting, I would never have the heart to dump a fully trained boyfriend.
You know trained boyfriends? Well, they are the types you have had for long and they know everything about you and everything you need, for example when you need to be cuddled, and when to stay away. The best trained boyfriend would know when you are PMSing even when you don't. But that would be possible ONLY in a PERFECT world.
A perfect world would be where Daniel Craig would be MINE. Well, if not that, in a perfect world I'll be able to go to restaurants and order one of those yummy stars as a date.
Getting back to my favorite topic- DANIEL CRAIG'S amazing body..minus his pouting lips!I had multiple orgasms (I know, I know, too much of information but this is MY Blog I can write what I want if you are too ashamed to read about my orgasms...LOOK AWAY!!!) just seeing him move when I went to watch Casino Royale the second time. Arrgh! could definitely take in some of those kisses...According to my friends he strips off a bit too much in the film...and I say...the more the better! Hell! I could do things to that guy that would be too R rated for this blog so I will leave it for my imagination...

Friday, January 26, 2007

I WANNA...

I was browsing through ticket prices on the ever reliable lastminute.com and I couldn't make up my mind as to which one theater show I wanted to see over the other. So as a memo to myself (and a little reminder to watch all of them before it's too late) here is a list of theater shows I want to watch sooner than later:

Mamma Mia
The Phantom of the Opera
The Blue Man Group
Guys and Dolls
Daddy Cool
Monty Python's Spamalot
Les Miserables
Cats
Sound Of Music
The Woman in White

*phew* hope to be able to watch all of this

Thursday, January 25, 2007

LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW





Last morning I got up to find my street covered in white fluffy snow. Although as the day continued the snow melted, but the sight was breathtaking. I was extremely excited, I guess, when you have lived in a tropical country all your life, a winter wonder like this does make you extremely happy.




I did manage to click a few pictures of my street and backyard. It's pretty crude, but with a little imagination you can actually see how beautiful it all looked.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

MAYBE...BUT WHY?

I'm standing at the cross-roads of life. Many people say you come across millions of cross roads during your lifetime, the first one being the end of school. For me, however, this is the first serious cross road I'm facing. I'm torn between a thousand and one things and I am beginning to lose hold over my dream.
When I left school not much changed for me. I had always planned my life, always...that is up to this day. I knew I wanted to study Journalism, I knew I wanted to be out of Calcutta and out of India. London was always my calling and I smooth sailed through it.
Day 2, of my second semester, third year, I believe I am not cut out to be a journalist. I am not rude, I am not a snob and I am sick of not believing in myself. I love London, but I love home more now. I love that people identify when I walk on the street ... I love it that people are so easy to talk to (except that snobbish woman at the TV channel!!)
I've been called in by my professor again tomorrow and I don't see cheery things my way. Maybe I'll fail my year, maybe I'll never be a journalist. But I know for sure after Uni ends I am giving up! Giving up on having to prove myself time and again, Brits look down on me at work places because I am too courteous (since when was that a bad thing???) and back home people think I'm too pretty therefore, DUMB!!
For three years I've tried to prove to everyone that I am hardworking and that beauty with brains is not a rarity. I have tried to prove to my parents that I am not spoilt and I have tried to prove myself that life is better without fun.
That's it! I give up. After Uni I am taking a year long holiday and never looking back. Maybe I am not cut to be a journalist, maybe I am too dumb...but I am goddamn me and I don't want other people's expectations getting me down. I want to believe in myself. Maybe this is what my long life ambition should have been in the first place.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

It's New Year's Eve evening and everyone I know is getting ready for the millions of parties they have been invited to. Me, on the other hand am sitting comfy in my PJs listening to Five For Fightining confused as hell about what the fuss is?
For me New Year's Eve is a time to spend with your loved ones, to celebrate the fabulous year you have had and a welcome for the coming, hoping that your wishes and dreams will be fulfilled in the future.
I long stopped believing in New Years, specially since it dawned on me that it is just an excuse for people to get massively drunk and be out all night. Let me add, I am no bore, I love partying, often quoted as the "Party Animal" I have enjoyed numerous drunken nights, but New Year's Eve 2006 does not seem a reason good enough for me to get drunk and pretend to have a good time, while I really wish to be home with the people I care about.
I'm terribly confused I have been invited to two parties and I still haven't decided whether I want to go to either. I am just a big ol' fart....no no I am just a big ol' confused fart !!!!!
haiiiiiiiii.....
It's just the end of a bloody month....ok, end of the bloody year....but it wasn't a brilliant year anyways!

xx

Saturday, December 30, 2006

ROAD RAGE

As I sat behind the steering wheel after 5-6 odd months I suddenly got first day jitters. You know the feeling you got on the first day of school..well, the jitters I got were similar. I have been driving since I was thirteen years old, so that gives me a lot of practise.
Driving in Calcutta is unlike anywhere else in the world. Noone here follows any rules, and the worst bit of it all is noone can stop honking! Driving in this city is an experience of its own.
The buses here are over filled with people, most of the passengers are hanging out of the door, and the taxi drivers think they own the streets and will not hesitate to corner you, especially if you are a girl driver! So there I was driving very carefully, not to bump into anything or anyone!! Another thing, in my beautiful city noone believes in walking on the pavements adding to the woe of the driver who has to avoid them in order to avoid a brawl!
The distance I had to achieve was short, as soon as I turned out of my house gates my ears were flooded with honks and beeps! Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to go somewhere and I didn't know why. I have never heard so many cars honking at the same time. It was beyond crazy. I tried to keep my cool and continued to drive cautiously, I did't want to get a bump on the brand spanking new car !
I tried, honestly I did. My mother was sitting right next to me and I avoided losing my temper which leads to a lose tongue. But there I was screaming arsehole at the bloody cab driver who parked his car right on the middle of the road. Twenty minutes down my driving experience and I was already suffering from terrible road rage!
I am a calm driver, but with what seemed like a mllion cars beeping I hardly had an option.
The point is, I miss driving in London and I am so glad I drove. I love driving and I think all the road rage is worth it :) Only wish I had a car in London I could drive, life would be so much simpler.
Anyhoo driving in Calcutta is an achievement, and I applaud myself for being able to overcome my fears (of buses crashing into me) and making my little journey. YAY!

xx

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Your Emoticon is Sad

You're feeling a tad depressed right now. It will likely pass soon, but for now, you need some major cheering up!

Saturday, December 02, 2006


Christmas is a time for gifts, it's always about recieving than giving and everyone knows that.
This year to make it easier to shop for presents for me this year I'm making a list for Santa *hint hint*
All I want for Christmas is....



1) Knit Cap- one of those cool ones.
2) Xbox360- who the fuck said they were boy toys?
3) J'Adore or Chanel no 5...not too fussed...either would do :P
4) Chloe Paddington Bag
5) A spa treatment-somewhere exotic not downtown London!
6) Tickets for a Coldplay concert
7) A printer- so that I don't have to run to Uni just to print a piece of paper!
8) Chocolates!!!!!!!!
9) Those *ROCK* earrings from Accessorize
10) Skinny jeans that actually fit me
11) Jimmy Choos
12) An all expense paid trip to New York/Milan/Paris/Barcelona/Prague
13) A house that cleans itself!
14) A time machine so that I have more time to do my assignments
15) David & Goliath goodies
16) Dinner @ the Ritz- what the hell...a girl can dream!!!
17) A chauffeur driven Bentley
18) A Ferrari
19) A SideKick or a BlackBerry Pearl
20) Balls to get another tattoo- this time on my wrist

All I want for Christmas is EVERYTHING!!!

xx