*sigh*

I'm terribly depressed today. It's of those days where everything seems like a cold shade of blue and grey!

Nothing can cheer me up. Unless it's a nice tapenyaki meal at Pan Asian, but I don't think that is going to happen.

I know why I'm so sad. I'm going back to London next week and one part of me is breaking into the tiniest and painful pieces. This is not to say that I don't consider London as my home. London is a place where I'm truly me, the fun, wacko, weird, often childish but overtly aware me. But here, in India, is where I am happy.

I've had a gazillion happy memories in London and I love my independence there, yet I feel so empty and clueless without the noisy Indian lifestyle of mine.

I miss the overcrowded streets, I miss the unbearable heat, I miss the language, I miss the comforts, I miss the chattery friends, I miss the gossip, I miss being lazy, I miss food, I miss the pollution, I miss the few greenery, I miss fighting with cab drivers and bargaining in shops. I miss how if you call a policeman or a ticket collector in my home town, "Bhaiya, paise nahin hain, jaane do na" and you smile sweetly they'll let you off the hook. I miss the ungodly breakfast times, I miss hugs, I miss lying on my mom's lap and forgetting all the worlds worries. I miss how someone is always there for you. I miss family the most. I miss watching stupid Hindi TV with family. I miss the goddamned Bollywood songs that the radios won't stop playing. I miss the witty adverts. I miss a made bed every night. I miss being pampered. I miss that even a small bruise can be a matter of much concern. I miss that plans are made at a whim. I miss unneccesary small talks. I miss the heated debates on politics, I miss people's views on India's future. I miss HOME ! a LOT ! and I will probably never accept this when I'm back in London, but I miss everything about my city, my country. The passionate people, the rowdy people, the know-it-all people, the lazy people, the proud people, the traditional people.

Every single thing about me is from my country. I am proud to be who I am today, if nothing else, I am proud to be Indian. Everytime someone mentions my country, I swell with pride. When the sub-editor at Metro kept telling me about Yuraj Singh's sixers in the match against South Africa, I wanted to stop working and watch the match with my friends and family. When Vijay Mallaya decided to name his new F1 team Force India, I was gloating. Heck, when someone even talks about going to an Indian restaurant I am the expertise choosing the right meal. I argue fiercely about Indian women's sexiness. I quote examples of Indians who've made it big.

I love my country, I love my home.

xxxxxx