Love and Marriage

There's something about the term "marriage" that sends chills down my back, and not in a good kind of way ! For some crazy reason, I don't believe in it at all.

I know, somewhere along the line, I will get married. It might be outta sheer pressure from my parents or because I'd want to spend every second of my life with someone who actually loves waking up next to me. I don't know.

A bunch of my close school friends are married now. When I say a bunch, three out of the five or six of us. I was hanging out with them the other day, I ended up quietly brooding in one corner, mainly because the topic of conversation revolved around jewelery and marriage ! Two things, I don't like, unless it's Erickson Beamon jewelery!

This freaks me out ! I know it shouldn't freak out a girl whose twenty four and a half year old who has been raised to believe that the right age for a girl to get married is twenty three, but it does !

I'm a big cynic when it comes to things like love and marriage. I refuse to believe that someone could love another person so much for the rest of their lives. The whole idea of taking someone for granted creeps in and I LOVE the unpredictable. How many husbands randomly get flowers for their wives? Life creeps in, kids creep in, priorities change. I'm not selfish and I understand that as you grow older, life changes and other things require more attention than whispering cute nothings (total cheese no!!) Love shove fades away and all you are left with is a very hectic life ! I understand that love can be a very simple gesture, like having your partner's coffee ready every morning because you know if you don't keep it ready she'll be running late ! It's the simple things in life no? So when these simple things cease to exist then what?

The kind of guy I would want to be with probably doesn't exit. I'd have to carve him out myself. This guy would totally be totally comfortable with my long silences AND my crazy antics !! He would understand that I'm full of contradictions, that one day I'd be totally pro marriage and the next day I'd be anti it, he'd know that even though I work in the fashion industry, I often find people like me empty and shallow and thus I constantly try to like everything else but fashion ! He would know that I'm so full of emotion that I could cry and laugh at the same time (I'm weird!!) He would understand and also encourage the fact that I love work more than I could ever love a guy! He would be okay with the fact that I'm a little fucked up in my head! I've been with guys who don't bat an eyelid when I cry, to guys who would freak out if I so much as said "ouch" on the phone ! There is a long list and I don't know if anyone would fit in. I'm not demanding, I don't like materialistic things. I'd rather get a random call saying "Hey dude, I freakin love you" rather than a Louis V ! youkowwhatimsayin?

I once got into a conversation with a friend, who was completely surprised that I don't believe in marriage, even though I have not seen one broken marriage ! We came to the conclusion, I'm scared of marriage, simply because there is a lot of peer and other pressure for me to settle down with a normal life! Marriage wouldn't be so scary if I was allowed to do it at my own time. Surely, if you love you don't need to put it in writing so that society accepts & respects you as a couple? I feel marriage is more a social obligation than something that makes a couple happy! I maybe wrong, but then again it's my blog, my opinion !!

To be honest, I don't even know if love exists or if it is simply a term you put together when two people just want to be with each other for completely selfish reasons?

xxx