A letter to the year that was

Dear 2009,

I am here to wish you farewell. You have been a tough one, a year I would like to erase from my memory.

I know we all learn from our mistakes, and I've never been one to shy away from it. I made mistakes this year, I fell, but then I stood up - wiped the dust of my clothes and was willing to walk again. They say, tough times make you the person you are - but I'm afraid tough times, just end up making a person tough. Personally, I think it's got to be really hard trying to live a life without being touched by softness and tenderness.

2009, you really kicked me below the belt and I'm trying to find the heart to forgive you and I guess over the years I will. Loneliness is in my nature, but this year, for most of the time, you left me distraught and estranged. I put on my tough face, and frankly that didn't help. It only pushed everyone further.

I've lost more relationship battles this year than I have won. I have lost people I love and care for, only to have them back & lose them again. But most of all, I've lost something I fought so hard to achieve - my self confidence.

Towards the end, you really took the piss when people told me I've wasted two years of my life - damn, that hurt. I grew confident over those two years - I found out me. Only to be knocked back down.

Physically, 2009 you are the year that my health really played havock. I'd be goddamned grateful if I don't have to go to surgery in 2010, which by the look of things - I probably will have to. I've never been to a hospital - not unless I was visiting someone - you know how scary that is?

Professionally, I learnt the ropes of a new trade & mastered it. I was given hope, only to be crushed down. To really make the pain worse, people came and told me, I don't try hard enough.

2009, help me please - I'm trying to find a happy moment with you, and I can't.

So, I've been foolish and reckless, but do I really deserve this? I am not going to celebrate the end of you - you are right now my closest friend. All those horrible memories of you are the only thing that remind me of being remotely human. The hollow heart bleeds.

You know 2009, I'm just like any other girl - just one, that has no one to go to. This was the year, I alienated my friends, and some alienated me.

I'm raging a battle inside of me. The last day of the year and frankly I don't know who I hate more - you 2009 or me.

Best wishes,
Shrutters x