MAYBE...BUT WHY?

I'm standing at the cross-roads of life. Many people say you come across millions of cross roads during your lifetime, the first one being the end of school. For me, however, this is the first serious cross road I'm facing. I'm torn between a thousand and one things and I am beginning to lose hold over my dream.
When I left school not much changed for me. I had always planned my life, always...that is up to this day. I knew I wanted to study Journalism, I knew I wanted to be out of Calcutta and out of India. London was always my calling and I smooth sailed through it.
Day 2, of my second semester, third year, I believe I am not cut out to be a journalist. I am not rude, I am not a snob and I am sick of not believing in myself. I love London, but I love home more now. I love that people identify when I walk on the street ... I love it that people are so easy to talk to (except that snobbish woman at the TV channel!!)
I've been called in by my professor again tomorrow and I don't see cheery things my way. Maybe I'll fail my year, maybe I'll never be a journalist. But I know for sure after Uni ends I am giving up! Giving up on having to prove myself time and again, Brits look down on me at work places because I am too courteous (since when was that a bad thing???) and back home people think I'm too pretty therefore, DUMB!!
For three years I've tried to prove to everyone that I am hardworking and that beauty with brains is not a rarity. I have tried to prove to my parents that I am not spoilt and I have tried to prove myself that life is better without fun.
That's it! I give up. After Uni I am taking a year long holiday and never looking back. Maybe I am not cut to be a journalist, maybe I am too dumb...but I am goddamn me and I don't want other people's expectations getting me down. I want to believe in myself. Maybe this is what my long life ambition should have been in the first place.