La Bella Vita

I want to be a 'Jane Birkin'

2010-06-13T08:42:00.005+01:00

A muse to be more precise. It's on my 'Things to be, before I die' list. I'd like to be able to inspire someone.

I disclosed my desire to a friend sometime back and he was like, "whose Jane Birkin?" To all you crazy people who are living under a rock Jane Birkin is an English actress/singer. The Hermès Birkin (now we all know what that is!!) bag has been inspired and designed for her. It is still an extremely coveted bag, people are on the waiting list to own that bag. Now, who wouldn't want to be Jane Birkin?

Lots of people consider muses as just beauty and no brains, so no one really wants to be a muse. The way I see it, to be able to inspire someone must be so awesome! Also, I think muses come across as these carefree characters that need to be expressed in a beautiful way (such as a handbag design, or a song). I want to be that carefree character.

Besides, loving the fact that Jane Birkin inspired a classic bag, she also did a duet with her lover of the time Serge Gainsbourg, called "Je t'aime... moi non plus" which means 'I love you, nor do I' or something along those lines. It was banned in the UK as it was considered lewd.

xxx

It's official...I'm a workaholic!

2010-06-13T08:07:00.003+01:00

I like working...QUITE a lot! Most people see work as a burden, but I enjoy what I do. Sure, I hate the political drama and I'm not very good with certain people. But at the end of the day, give me an article to write and I'll love it.

My closest peeps know that. I will prioritize my work over anything. In fact, my main criteria for a guy is, he has to be a workaholic. My ex worked most weekends, and I didn't mind it so much. Only someone who can love his work as much as I love my work can understand me. It's complicated.

I never tried to deny this. Sure, I like having a life besides work (an after work drink never hurt anyone). But I think, increasingly, I look forward to Mondays. Last week, I pulled an all-nighter at work, tumbling back home at 4.45am and then worked a full day on a Sunday. That was the best Sunday I had in months! Terrible, I know.

It's sad, but it's true.

Shout out!

2010-06-13T08:04:00.001+01:00

My friend has a new bloggie and it's ace. Check it out:

http://the-impression-of-a-dead-cucumber.blogspot.com/

Loving the humor :)

xxx

Music to my ears

2010-05-24T15:39:00.005+01:00

I'm not one for instrumental songs, I LIKE lyrics. I stumbled upon the video of 'Explosions in the Sky' and fell in love. Check out the videos below, top notch, aye!

If you don't like any, well then you are a cold heartless twat...sorry! :)

Singledom

2010-05-16T13:18:00.003+01:00

Last night I had gone out feeling very Carrie Bradshaw-ish. Before we all jump to assumptions that "Of course I'd want to be Carrie Bradshaw because I'm me...blah blah" let me clarify - I am not a Sex & The City fan. The only reason I watched the movie was for the clothes and the only reason I watched the re-runs was so that I could understand the movie. Makes sense? Well, in my head it does!

I only realized how Carrie-esque (mixed with a little bit of Blair Waldorf) I was, when I stumbled home in the wee hours of the morning, stood in front of the mirror - one hand on hip, the clutch tucked firmly under other arm, heels, pose et all. Not a bad look I'd say since quite a large chunk of the female population want to be her.

Anyway, back to last night. It was a good night, I'd say. I danced - which if you knew me is a HUGGGGEEEE deal. I don't dance, unless I'm alone in my house (well then I dance a lot, while cooking, while getting ready...basically all the time).

So there I was, required Jack & Coke in hand, looking uber trendy, dancing the night away, and I realized I'm doomed to be single. The realization dawned on me just like that, as I was leaning against a chair, giving my aching feet some much required rest, when SNAP! it hit me, I'm officially a member of SINGLEDOM. It didn't help that the peeps I had gone out with were ALL coupled up! SUCKS! I never imagined myself to be the single friend.

Suddenly, from being the girl with a "successful" (or long, for me it makes no difference coz relationships are never a success story) relationship, I have now been pushed into the "single girls" category. This is not the "hot girl single" category. Oh no no no my dear friend, this is that "over 25 poor you don't have a guy" category.

I get that look too, you know, when someone realizes I belong to THAT category. Everyone automatically assumes I'm coupled up. The "aww, you poor girl" with the head tilt look or worse the shocked "how can you be single" look. And then I get clubbed into the divorcee, the girl with the long distance boyfriend and the fug group. SUCKS!

I don't mind being single, really! Although being clubbed into the single girls group or the getting sympathy looks kinda is a bummer. Maybe I just need more single friends!

xxx

Phone call

2010-05-16T08:01:00.004+01:00

This is purely fictional. I wrote this a while back to experiment with different styles of writing - I wanted to know if I could write a chick novel or not. This is a conversation between two friends (I tried to make it super girly). I don't like it much - it doesn't lead anywhere, but I thought I'll post it here as it has been lying around hidden on my laptop - thought I'd show it some light of the day.

She had been staring at her computer screen for a little less than an hour. Her notes scrawled in her childish handwriting on her notebook lay next to the black laptop, the blank page of Microsoft glared at her.
She picked up her phone, looked at the time, checked for new messages, played a game or two. “Inspiration, inspiration…” she muttered. The fact that La Roux was melodically screaming she’s bulletproof on Radio 1, didn’t help the thoughts flow any easier.
“It’s a trend report, how hard could it be” she sighed. Of course, it was a mammoth task when your entire career depended on it. This one article – maybe, hopefully could land her a job, any job! Or not, depending on how dependable people were.
December 28th, 2009 and Zi was glad the terrible year was coming to an end. The trouble with being 24 is, she thought, you are like a little bird, glad to be alive – but still dependent on others. “Oh lordy, lordy, make things alright already!” she screamed to no one in particular.

The phone rang, Zi let it go to the answer phone – inspiration was still a far cry away. “Hello my lil’ fashionista, we missed you at the party last night. I met that guy again, he asked about you and wasn’t surprised when I mentioned you were home, probably buried under a pile of pillows...” Zi leaped on to grab the phone – “What do you mean he wasn’t surprised?” A crackle of laughter came from the other end, “Anne, you know you sound like a hyena when you laugh like that” “Hyena or not, I knew you would pick up the phone as soon as I mentioned him.” “Well, that’s no fair, I was just working on my article” A long silence followed, then more laughter. “Is that Fearne Cotton I hear in the background? Dah-ling Zi, I know you think she’s fashionable and all, but living vicariously through her won’t help you, anyhoo, I’m coming over. Lovely, go take a shower – I have news you might like, toodles.” Click.

Zi was left mumbling, as she glanced a look in the mirror. How does your best friend know that you still haven’t showered at four pm, she thought. Anne, or Annabell Foxely may not be the best influence, but she was the best friend a girl could ask for. She walked like she owned the world, didn’t give a damn about the rumors circulating about her and loved Zi like a sister. To top it she was drop dead gorgeous, those bones could give Kate Moss a run for her money. But Anne’s idea about modelling, like everything else, was a bit extreme – “Modelling is like prostitution, and I don’t sell my body. It’s only for me & the men I choose to devour on – exclusive you know.” Anne would proclaim. That girl was crazy, Zi thought.

Right then, she switched her laptop off and ran to the bathroom to scrub herself clean for the big news her bestie was about to lay down on her.

xxx

I am who I am; your approval is not needed !

2010-05-09T16:48:00.004+01:00

I was sipping coffee this morning, very much minding my own business, when all of a sudden one of my cousins (I have loads!) remarks that I'm very different from the rest. Well, I've heard this one before.

Anyway, back to this morning. So when my cousins made this remark, my aunt chipped in and said that it was only last night that she was having a discussion with her husband (o.m.g. people discussing me - hate hate hate!!!) of how different I am. In fact my uncle went to the extent of wondering, who am I like, I'm not like my father or my mother - both of whom are highly sociable people. I'm neither like my siblings - throw them in a crowd and they'd come out winning hearts! Me? Well, I'm more reserved. Not to people I know well, but I have my moods and of late I have just shut myself from everyone. It's a terrible thing, I know!

In the past couple of years, every time I exclaimed I'm anti-social or it's hard for me to make friends, I'd have people laugh at me saying that throw me in any situation and I'm bound to make people like me. This was said by few of my closest peeps, so I think they are a bit biased when it comes to my charm.

So who am I like, if not my family? If you had a look at the quieter side of me and you knew my family, you wouldn't think I was a part of them. I can shut myself out for months, and only ever rely on myself to get over my grief. It's not that I don't need anyone - heck, I love my family and it's nice to know they are the one stable factor in my life. They are my past, present and future. I see myself in them a lot, and the days I don't, I know I'm still a part of them no matter how far I try to run away.

My brother, in fact is the only one who can reach me when I'm in one of my moods and in his vicinity.

All my life, I fought to be different, to like different things, to choose my own life. I have that now. And I know, my family has let me be everything I want to be.

Irrespective of whether I choose to party all night or be a batliwali the fact remains I am like my family in more ways than meets the eye.

I don't really think I am all that different. Heck, I'm not special at all. And you know what? Finally, after all these years, I'm happy being ordinary. I am me.

xxx

What have I become, my sweetest friend?*

2010-05-09T04:49:00.006+01:00

I suppose society is wonderfully delightful. To be in it is merely a bore. But to be out of it is simply a tragedy.

- Oscar Wilde

On 31st January 2010, I was extremely upset. Finally, after being shaken out of it, I managed to mumble that I'd like what she's having.This 'she' was someone I knew in London - perfect job, perfect boyfriend, the good life. 'She' is younger than me, so I wanted all this soon, I was really sick of waiting. It wasn't a case of envy, I just wanted my dreams to come true, enough already!

In exactly a month, I'll be turning twenty-five.I'm actually looking forward to this birthday more than any other year. I'm supposed to be all grown up now. So, I did live up to part of my deadline, I did land the dream job but alas, I feel I lost a lot along the way. It's hard for me to be happy, when I have no one to be happy with.

Loneliness is something I've always battled. But this time it's been worse. In particular, I hate weekends, absolutely detest Sundays. Today, is a Sunday - the worst in the past three and a half months. I used to look forward to them, now I wish I could lay in bed, locked in the room all day and just wait for Monday to come. Mondays are better, at least I have things to look forward to, even if it's trying to settle in office.

"Everyone I love, goes away in the end."*

It sucks, no one has time for me. I'm sorry for this rant, but I'm trying to get over my heart hurting so much.

xxx

*Lyrics from Hurt by Johnny Cash

I heart EM cartoons

2010-05-08T17:39:00.002+01:00

Her website http://www.emcartoons.com/

Men are idiots...clearly!

2010-05-08T16:53:00.001+01:00

xxx

Bloggity, blog!

2010-05-08T15:34:00.004+01:00

So I've started blogging again, eh? Well, I'd like to hope so. I still have very limited access to the intarwebz so I'm not promising anything.

Besides being on a general low for the past few days/weeks (I've lost count of how long it has been) I don't know if I can muster up any fun stories. And we all hate emos (actually, I don't but whatever!!)

I have a story that I want to post on to here, it's not a sad one, it's incomplete and it's very girly! I'm never going to finish writing that, but I want to post it never the less. Feedback would be mucho appreciated.

For now, here's a song I love (oh god, it feels good to have access to Youtube!!!), 'Why don't you love' By Beyonce <3

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
Why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

There's nothing not to love about me
No, no, there's nothing not to love about me
I'm lovely
There's nothing not to need about me
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me
Maybe you're just not the one
Or maybe you're just plain....... DUMB

xxx

Norwegian Wood

2010-05-08T15:06:00.006+01:00

I just finished reading a really good book. I was regretting the end of it much before it came. Devouring every page like it was chocolate, making sure I always had a little left for tomorrow.

Norwegian Wood, by Haruki Murakami, is a book I loved so much that I actually want to hide it and never ever look at it again. Strange, I know! Compared to all the other books, such as TheSun Also Rises, Purple Hibiscus and even Let me Go, that I have loved, I have always wanted to re-read it. But with Norwegian Wood, the minute I shut it for the last time today, I literally hid it under my bag - it's a sad story, a very very sad story.

Unlike most sad stories, I didn't cry at the end of this. (Mainly because, I think I've cried myself out for everything else that has been hurting me...I have no tears left!) I'm just filled with this empty feeling.

The story is about a boy, Watanbe whose best friend kills himself when he's 17. He carries on with life, moves to Tokyo and bumps into his dead best friend's girlfriend. To get over her grief, she too moves away from their home town. Soon enough they form a friendship and then fall in love. To cut a long story short, Naoko (the girlfriend) is extremely troubled in life and ends up in an asylum. Watanbe tries to be there and goes on coping with his life. Unexpectedly, he befriends and falls in love with a girl from his class Midori. Although, it's not until the very end that he realises it's love! It's easy to love two or more people at the same time, it's only human. The boundaries, though, that one creates is what makes us better or worse. I love the way the boundaries and the understanding between the characters are drawn.

It's not a love story, it's a sad story - possibly the saddest book I've read in the longest time, and that too at a very wrong part of my life!

There's a line in the book (and even though it sounds romantic - it probably is) that has been stuck in my head since I read it. Midori tells this to Watanbe:

"I'm not going to believe in any damned revolution. Love is all I'm going to believe in."

And to be honest, this quote hits all the right notes with me, conjuring up emotions I never knew I had.

Naoko dies in the end. I'm guessing whoever reads my blog will not be rushing to buy a copy for themselves - the books and music I love are usually not liked by you lot (I know, I know!) Anyway, the reason I'm writing this post is not to review the book per se, but to be able to put my feelings down about it. I'd have loved to talk to someone whose read the book, but alas (!) I'm a lonely cat.

I chose this book amongst the many other Murakamis because, I loved the way the author describes Watanbe's memory of Naoko. It's enough to make you fall in love.
I don't know - this is probably a very stupid feeling, but with the end of this book, I almost felt like a part of me had reached its end. Like I said, a very stupid feeling, but with what's been happening lately, I know how I can put things like this to context.

Anyway, I'm sad. I love the book, and it's a beautiful story. Truly touching. Read it, if you like sad stories like me, don't if you are a cold, twisted, heartless human being!

Also, here's the song Norwegian Wood by the Beatles, enjoy :)

xxx

Ra ra ra roma ma ma, ga ga ga oo la la !

2010-02-07T07:44:00.002Z

It's simple to say I *heart* her

I want your leather studded kisses !! <3

xxx

Love and Marriage

2010-02-07T06:06:00.010Z

There's something about the term "marriage" that sends chills down my back, and not in a good kind of way ! For some crazy reason, I don't believe in it at all.

I know, somewhere along the line, I will get married. It might be outta sheer pressure from my parents or because I'd want to spend every second of my life with someone who actually loves waking up next to me. I don't know.

A bunch of my close school friends are married now. When I say a bunch, three out of the five or six of us. I was hanging out with them the other day, I ended up quietly brooding in one corner, mainly because the topic of conversation revolved around jewelery and marriage ! Two things, I don't like, unless it's Erickson Beamon jewelery!

This freaks me out ! I know it shouldn't freak out a girl whose twenty four and a half year old who has been raised to believe that the right age for a girl to get married is twenty three, but it does !

I'm a big cynic when it comes to things like love and marriage. I refuse to believe that someone could love another person so much for the rest of their lives. The whole idea of taking someone for granted creeps in and I LOVE the unpredictable. How many husbands randomly get flowers for their wives? Life creeps in, kids creep in, priorities change. I'm not selfish and I understand that as you grow older, life changes and other things require more attention than whispering cute nothings (total cheese no!!) Love shove fades away and all you are left with is a very hectic life ! I understand that love can be a very simple gesture, like having your partner's coffee ready every morning because you know if you don't keep it ready she'll be running late ! It's the simple things in life no? So when these simple things cease to exist then what?

The kind of guy I would want to be with probably doesn't exit. I'd have to carve him out myself. This guy would totally be totally comfortable with my long silences AND my crazy antics !! He would understand that I'm full of contradictions, that one day I'd be totally pro marriage and the next day I'd be anti it, he'd know that even though I work in the fashion industry, I often find people like me empty and shallow and thus I constantly try to like everything else but fashion ! He would know that I'm so full of emotion that I could cry and laugh at the same time (I'm weird!!) He would understand and also encourage the fact that I love work more than I could ever love a guy! He would be okay with the fact that I'm a little fucked up in my head! I've been with guys who don't bat an eyelid when I cry, to guys who would freak out if I so much as said "ouch" on the phone ! There is a long list and I don't know if anyone would fit in. I'm not demanding, I don't like materialistic things. I'd rather get a random call saying "Hey dude, I freakin love you" rather than a Louis V ! youkowwhatimsayin?

I once got into a conversation with a friend, who was completely surprised that I don't believe in marriage, even though I have not seen one broken marriage ! We came to the conclusion, I'm scared of marriage, simply because there is a lot of peer and other pressure for me to settle down with a normal life! Marriage wouldn't be so scary if I was allowed to do it at my own time. Surely, if you love you don't need to put it in writing so that society accepts & respects you as a couple? I feel marriage is more a social obligation than something that makes a couple happy! I maybe wrong, but then again it's my blog, my opinion !!

To be honest, I don't even know if love exists or if it is simply a term you put together when two people just want to be with each other for completely selfish reasons?

xxx

Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man

2010-02-07T05:32:00.007Z

So it's kinda known that I don't write happy posts. You can't say I didn't try, "Happiness for sale" was a pretty happy post, no?

But the fact is, of late, I'm actually really happy :) I have Tiny Dancer by Elton John constantly stuck in my head and I dance a little when no one is looking, of course I'm not crazy to dance when someone IS looking ! :P

I have a job, it's not the ideal job, but it's a job nonetheless AND if anyone who knows me, will know, I'd rather be doing something than sit at home. I love the idea of waking up early and actually have something to do with my life. My job can be pretty sucky and I get hit by massive dust allergy as soon as I walk into my office (imagine, Shrutters sneezing throughout the day!!), but I love love love love that I'm doing something.

The thing is, I'm not the kinda person who likes to go shopping and for lunches and stuff all the time. I have this innate desire to do something other than that, maybe that's why I'm so fuckin' scared of ever becoming a housewife !! Although saying that, if I do ever become a housewife, I'd be the motherfucking best Stepford Wife ever !!

Also, since I've moved to Bombay now, I have an inkling I just might might might be able to do things I always wanted to. The thing about Bombay is, you get the opportunity. I'm away this weekend, but there is the Kala Ghoda festival going on, and I love that festival. It's so artsy and kitschy! Also, every time I read about a random play or art show in the paper, I make a mental note that I'll go for it. There was this art show about modern Krishna & his sexuality (I know, I know) and it's a collection of photographs, that I thought was pretty cool. There was this one picture with a dude dressed up as modern Krishna riding a Vespa I think (I *heart* Vespa OK!!)

Right now, I'm still settling in, but I'm pretty damn sure that I'll end up doing a lot of things I've wanted to, I'd be darned if I don't !!

So let me go back to my dancing, I'll write an emo post soon, I promise :D

xxxx

C'est la vie, mon cherie

2010-02-02T05:36:00.000Z

Life is a funny thing. A dark comedy at it's best.

Yesterday, my uncle started a discussion. He asked, " what is more important in life?" It was a multiple choice question, to which he argued, breath is most important in life, without breath, you can't have a life. My sister and I argued happiness is more important - what is the use of breathing daily when you are unhappy?

I've always believed life is really about chasing happiness. Now, happiness can mean different things to different people. For some its wealth, for some it's the affection of their kids, for some it's having at the very least three meals and a roof to live under. Happiness is what we all aim for.

Happiness along with content is what life is all about. Life is hard, why make it more complicated?

I love the Persian saying, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

We all want a lot of happiness, true and it's not bad to want to be happy. But we need to understand what happiness and being content truly means.

I have met so many people who hate their jobs. I'm sorry you feel that you can't contribute enough, or achieve what you want to in your job. But think a second about those people who have lost their jobs or don't have a job at all, even though they believe they have the potential.

I worked hard through my university days, I was always bordering towards below average in school. When I moved to London, I wanted to prove to a lot of people that I am capable. I wanted a good job, so I studies, interned, worked in the uni newspaper, uni tv, and even tried my hand at hospital radio.

I don't come from a background where girls or even boys are allowed to do whatever they want.

Two years after graduating, I'm still unemployed. It hurts.

I don't believe in regrets, but since we are on the topic of life, I thought I'll share one thing that has completely altered my life.

The day I moved back from India. Maybe in a few years' time I won't be filled with such remorse. But I wish I could go back to life pre-October 2009. For most of the time, I was happy. I was content. And it was because I had the one thing in my life there, that refuses to come here with me. I had moments of sheer depression and frustration in London, but nothing compared to this.

"Loneliness is the most terrible poverty." But when you are surrounded even by familiar faces and you feel alone, that's terrible! To know, that not a single one of them knows you, it hurts.

I feel broken to the point of no repair. I feel alone and I don't know where I belong.

Yes, indeed in life you could have everything, all the luxuries and amenities, but it all fails when your heart is crying out for help.

I've had this song playing in loop in my head the last couple of days, and it seems so right:

"I haven't really found a place I call home,

I never really stick around long to make it...it's just a thought, only a thought."

- life for rent by di

*sorry I don't remember the correct lyrics, but the song fits.

* loneliness quote by Mother Theresa

Xxx

If I was a rich girl

2010-01-13T17:20:00.005Z

Just a few things I'm currently in love with. Deets after cut.

1. A print about love by Danny Roberts - check out his blog Igor+ Andre
2. Panda beanie from River Island
3. Lace print leggings by Alexander Mcqueen at Net-a-porter.com
4. Dark rise skinny jeans from River Island
5. Lace up ankle boot from River Island
6. Lace booties by Proenza (looooveeeee)
7. Cosmo 120 python pumps by Christian Louboutin at Net-a-porter.com
8. Wah Nails - London
9. The minnie hairband by Yokoo (looove this in pink)
10. Knucle duster clutch by Alexander Mcqueen at Net-a-porter.com
11. French Vogue January 2009 - I love this picture of Milla Jovovich
12. Tadao's Malachite (Heels) by Heavy Machine
13. Surveillance tshirt by Commune
14. Lake bed sheet by Bless
15. Peep toe zip heels from River Island
16. The Girls in glasses by Danny Roberts
17. Harman Kardongla - 55 speakers
18. Lace embroidered satin dress by Alexander Mcqueen at Net-a-porter.com

xxx

Books

2010-01-03T17:30:00.002Z

I really wish I could get lost in books right now, but I don't know what to read. Any suggestions? :(

A letter to the year that was

2009-12-31T08:47:00.004Z

Dear 2009,

I am here to wish you farewell. You have been a tough one, a year I would like to erase from my memory.

I know we all learn from our mistakes, and I've never been one to shy away from it. I made mistakes this year, I fell, but then I stood up - wiped the dust of my clothes and was willing to walk again. They say, tough times make you the person you are - but I'm afraid tough times, just end up making a person tough. Personally, I think it's got to be really hard trying to live a life without being touched by softness and tenderness.

2009, you really kicked me below the belt and I'm trying to find the heart to forgive you and I guess over the years I will. Loneliness is in my nature, but this year, for most of the time, you left me distraught and estranged. I put on my tough face, and frankly that didn't help. It only pushed everyone further.

I've lost more relationship battles this year than I have won. I have lost people I love and care for, only to have them back & lose them again. But most of all, I've lost something I fought so hard to achieve - my self confidence.

Towards the end, you really took the piss when people told me I've wasted two years of my life - damn, that hurt. I grew confident over those two years - I found out me. Only to be knocked back down.

Physically, 2009 you are the year that my health really played havock. I'd be goddamned grateful if I don't have to go to surgery in 2010, which by the look of things - I probably will have to. I've never been to a hospital - not unless I was visiting someone - you know how scary that is?

Professionally, I learnt the ropes of a new trade & mastered it. I was given hope, only to be crushed down. To really make the pain worse, people came and told me, I don't try hard enough.

2009, help me please - I'm trying to find a happy moment with you, and I can't.

So, I've been foolish and reckless, but do I really deserve this? I am not going to celebrate the end of you - you are right now my closest friend. All those horrible memories of you are the only thing that remind me of being remotely human. The hollow heart bleeds.

You know 2009, I'm just like any other girl - just one, that has no one to go to. This was the year, I alienated my friends, and some alienated me.

I'm raging a battle inside of me. The last day of the year and frankly I don't know who I hate more - you 2009 or me.

Best wishes,
Shrutters x

Same

2009-12-30T13:48:00.003Z

If I've learnt one thing over this year it is this - people are not nice. I know it's said if you are nice to someone, they will be nice to you. Maybe it's my own fault and I'm completely horrible - but end of the year & I've learnt I have no one to lean on to.
Even the closest of closest people think I went out to hurt them, when I didn't. My head is spinning all over the place and I swear to God, I never tried to hurt anyone.
Even when I was 14, and my supposedly best friend spread vile rumors about me, I didn't do anything - I let it go. That's who I am - I passively let things pass me by. I'm scared of emotion - coz I am so full of it.
I just wish people were easier to understand... I am exhausted and tired of all the fights. I just want this year to end and I would like to say I'm looking forward to the next year - but truth is, I'm not.
It's gonna be the same shit all over again.

LDN

2009-12-25T19:30:00.003Z

London - I miss you, a lot!

I miss your over crowded tubes & smelly people.
I miss your rain, and how you ruin my hair with the wind.

I miss my street lined with bars and homeless alcoholics.
I miss Papa Johns.

I miss my friends, who never told me I laugh too loud or cry too much.
I miss my parties, where no matter where I went, it felt good 'coz I was surrounded by people who knew me.

I miss dinners, keeping restaurants open even if it was just us.
I miss how easy it was to talk to people.
I miss conversations.

I miss how you made me fall in love with wine.
I miss how my friends knew what to get to make a party work for me.

I miss your humor, your dry wit.
I miss how you always told me how it was.
I miss Burger King breakfasts at 4pm (that's when I'd wake up after a good night)

I miss the dreaded trip to Sainsbury's.
I miss the merciless, monotonous noise of the trains.

I miss staying up to watch Family Guy.
I miss weekends of Heroes.

I miss the cold basement of my old office.
I miss how chocolate was always around, no matter which company I worked for.
I miss Kiss FM, I miss BBC Radio 1

I miss your summers, I miss your winters.
I miss how I was always either too hot, or too cold.

I miss the familiarity.

I miss you - more than anyone could ever know.
'Coz LDN, you saw me grow up from a shy introvert to giggling mess of a woman !

Lol...

2009-08-31T13:29:00.002+01:00

I'm easily amused ! Indian soaps are taking over the world... *laughs her head off*

xxx

The rat race

2009-08-12T22:13:00.001+01:00

Recently, I realized all the people I've worked with in the recent past, all of them (and I mean ALLLLL) are no longer in the same position as they were when I knew them.

Everyone has gone up to become editors, junior editors or deputy editors. They all were assistants & are not much older than I am!

Oh ! I feel like the tortoise in the rat race & the finish line seems so far !!!!

xx

Vitrual Fuckery

2009-08-08T10:24:00.003+01:00

We all have one, some may use it more than the others, but we all use it! I'm talking about social networking sites. It's pretty hard to ignore any conversation regarding Facebook, Myspace or Twitter. The media talks about, the celebrities love it. But what is this damned craze to connect with each other over a virtual network that drives us all insane?

Rewind a couple of years back, when I was a gawky little teen, I remember it was a pretty big deal to put up a picture of yourself on the internet - in case it fell into the wrong hands. Infact, people who posted their pictures online were considered uncool! But today, I have over 800 pictures of myself on my Facebook and dozens of albums with my friends being silly and having fun. It's like a storage space for me, like the time I lost my laptop, THANK GOD for Facebook as I still managed to have all my pictures, my memories.

I see kids as young as ten on Facebook with their pictures and I'm left a bit amazed. Recently, a certain incident left me shocked. Sure, you hear horror stories about people getting sacked because of their Facebook profile. There is an email that has been doing the rounds about this guy who got sacked because he pulled a sickie and his Facebook stated that he was actually not ill - just wanted a day off work.

A colleague of mine, with whom I've had my difference recently did a really stupid thing. She took pictures of herself in the office, dressed in one of our's clients clothes and posing in a very glamour model way - think The Sun page 3 model and posted it on Facebook. To take pictures were stupid in itself, but to post it on a social networking site - what was she thinking? To add fuel to the fire, she actually had the client on her friend list who was outraged at the pictures. It's an easy to guess she didn't stay in office for long after that.

The security on my Facebook is set to super high, so someone who is not on my list can't see my pictures. Heck, if you google me, my Facebook profile won't show up. But recently, my boyfriend (the geek!! *grins*) told me that if he wanted he could access all my pictures without my consent. I was left a tad bit baffled.

So what is this insane desire to be on a social networking site? How long before we move on to something shiny and new? The desire to be popular and take part in this virtual fuckery mocks me as I continue to actively take part in Facebook.

xxx

Being controversial

2009-07-31T10:02:00.007+01:00

Recently, I stumbled upon this link on my cousin's Facebook page. Apart from his usual antics, I rarely see my cousin upload anything good enough - so when I read Channel 4 Dispatches on his profile, it really caught my eye.

The link lead me to Vimeo, where the latest Channel 4 Dispatches show had been published. The catch was, no one knew when the video would be removed from the site. My apologies, for not publishing the video on my blog, as it has been removed from both Vimeo and Channel's 4 official page.

The title of the video, itself, got me extremely excited. Channel 4 Dispatches is one of my favourite shows on television. To call it a show, would be disregarding it, because it actually is a series of documentaries. Every week, they take up a topic and discuss it in detail. On 30th June 2009, they put light on a topic very close to home. I missed it when it was aired so I was really pleased that I could finally watch it.

Most people may remember the terror attacks in the city of Mumbai on 26th November 2008. It was earth shatteringly scary and the plan boggled many of the people. Initially no one knew how many people had attacked - the plan was so cunning and heartless it left the city in a complete state of shock. But Mumbai being Mumbai, bounced back.

I remember that day was my nephew's birthday and I was busy packing for my trip to New York the next day, when I saw the news. When I saw it, I couldn't call my family, who were at the time in Mumbai and are regulars at the Taj Hotel. I could just pray they were fine. On a recent trip to Mumbai, when we went to the Taj for dinner, my sister felt extremely weird.

The documentary, well made as it always is shocked me beyond belief. Most people may not know this about me, but I love politics, I'm opionated and I love to discuss current affairs. Unfortunately, frustrating as it may be, I never find anyone willing enough to discuss current affairs - I guess people like to shy away from "serious" conversations.

Dispatches - Terror on Mumbai showed the various incidents of the horror - incidents that I couldn't find on BBC during their coverage. They showed phone conversations between the terrorists who were attacking and the person who was plotting. From these conversations and CCTV images you could see these boys were at times scared, at times ruthless. At one instance when they entered the Taj they were so taken aback by the luxury that they had to be repeatedly reminded of the job at hand. I'm not sympathizing, I find it pathetic how people end up on the wrong side of society.

What's more shocking is the media coverage? Ok, so I work in the media - but even I was repelled. I remember having a discussion with a few classmates at university. It's one of the most vivid conversations in my head. It was the journalists students against the public relations students and the discussion was war coverage. The discussion - is covering every aspect of war justified? The PR students were against the idea, saying that it puts the army and the government in a bad image. The journalists students, as shocked as we were, stood our grounds claiming that if something wrong is happening, it's vital to bring it to the attention of the masses. From the opposition's point of view, such coverage hurts the patriotic sentiments of a nation. The discussion was over, with neither of the sides believing what the others said, but what was agreed was in case a coverage causes hindrance in public and the country's safety then it's perfectly reasonable to not air or publish it. What I saw in the documentary shook my moral and ethical values, was the media actually unintentionally helping in all this? The operators of this drastic event were watching every scene on their television sets and once in a while proclaiming their delight on the phone to the attackers.

Lastly, I don't mean to be rude, or point fingers at someone - I know the Indian intelligence and police risked their lives that day. Many of the good men lost their lives, but I'm just curious, if the Indian Intelligence was recording the phone conversation why couldn't they stop it before it started?

I'm baffled. Life is a very precious thing, events like this make you realize how scary death is. Life may not always be sunshines and rainbows, value what you have...

xxx

Just coz I love the meaning of the song!

2009-07-31T09:56:00.003+01:00

If music be the food of love, play on - Shakespeare

2009-07-21T21:29:00.005+01:00

I was standing on the platform today, when this guy walked up and stood next to me. The train was still a whole three minutes and I could hear this thumping noise coming from somewhere. It was really audible, almost as if the music was on loud speaker. What was this - was London Transport finally installing music on platforms for my mild entertainment? Nah ! I doubt them misers would show such a kind gestures.

Then I looked at that guy and thought, "U2, really?" I smiled. I got nothing against Bono and his guys. But you know when you look at someone and immediately think "Bob here would be into a little rock n'roll", and then BAM! it hits ya, Bob is a cheeky git who actually loves Spice Girls and he is straight !!

Still smiling, I fumbled around my bag to find my own iPod, pressed play only to look up embarassed. Playing on the little gadget stuck in my bag was All I Have To Give - Backstreet Boys. Hey! Don't judge me, my iPod is a bit outdated.

xxx

A new toy!

2009-07-16T20:18:00.003+01:00

Recently, I stumbled upon this great website. It's fun, it's quirky and it's so ME! All the boys look away now, coz this is all about fashion & style!

The website is called Looklet and it's perfect for the fashionista (or lack of) in me. I don't think I have a lot of style, but I look playing with looks. The website allows you to style their models in all the designer and high street gear. It's quite kooky, but I love it.

I created a vintage crazy look and here is the result. It's called Granny, because it's like raiding your granny's cupboard. Vintage jacket, pearls, grandad's hat, mum's old skirt...well ya know basic vintage :D

I can't stop playing with the different looks I can create on the website, it makes me soooo happy!!

Every now and then I'm going to upload my looks on my bloggie, just coz I'm trying to become obsessed with fashion. XD

xxx

The parc in the center of it all!

2009-07-11T23:01:00.003+01:00

The weather is typically British today, cloudy with little rays of sunlight seeping through. I'm surrounded by what seems like thousands of frustrated fathers, eager mums and hyper active kids.

Kids that come in all sizes and shapes - from the toddler to the brat!
I get a feeling I don't belong here, after all it does seem like I'm the loner here - no kid dangling around my arm!

I'm unsure of how this makes me feel, relieved that I am saved from wailing babies, or sad that I feel terribly alone here and am unable to enjoy.

This is what heaven must feel like to the kids and parents who have dragged themselves and bucket loads of toys to Center Parcs, Elveden forest!

Kiddy disco to adrenaline fueled outdoor activities, this retreat offers you all the amenities under one roof. To pick a few I'd like to try my hand at water skiing, rafting, climbing just to name a few. I'd love to come back with a bunch of adrenaline junkies just to explore the fun.

As I wait outside the toddler centre for my brother, sister in law and nephew to come out and tell me their new exciting plan, I can't help but wonder about babies!

No, I'm not getting broody, I'm just curious as to what makes so many couples bring babies into the world. if the all nights and limited holidays are are anything to go by, I'm amazed to find out when these lil miracles turn into bundles of joy!

I smile and watch people play happy families wondering when my maternal instincts kick in and when I would give up my independent life for more an unfamiliar life!

Ps >I love both my nephews to pieces and yes they can be ten handfuls but I can't imagine my life without their giggles and laughter :)

XX

Mistakes

2009-07-08T15:00:00.002+01:00

The following text is entirely fictional. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

She dropped her keys on the table and looked around. Everything was still the same and yet she couldn't figure out what was missing.
She checked her phone, "No new messages." tears began to well up in her eyes.
Fixing herself a drink and puffing chunks of smoke from her cigirrate, she calculated the one hour time difference, and logged on.
A mail lie unopened in her inbox, her body shivered as she clicked to read it.
"But you're right ... let's just stay friends because apparantly there wasn't anything else on the other side."
She sat there alone in the darkness with only the glow of her laptop screen.
She never did forgive herself for letting him go...
Xxx

<3 Love

2009-07-05T13:09:00.000+01:00

25 things about me, coz tagging is lame!

2009-06-27T22:40:00.004+01:00

1. I hate shopping! Most people think I'm a shopaholic, but I have to be forced to actually buy something!

2. I love to talk, but I love to listen more. I'll only open up to someone I feel connected to, else you will never know what's going on in my mind.

3. I hate confrontations, but I don't like the silent treatment either. I don't mind if someone screams at me or argues, I break down when I'm ignored.

4. I used to deny myself food when I was in my teens because the girls I used to hang out with called me fat and ugly, but I love food now and love my curves!

5. Most people think I'm a snob, but it's just coz I'm not a conversation starter and I'm actually really shy.

6. I'm some what of a prude!

7. I over-analyse every detail of my life.

8. I'm pretty sensitive, but put on a brave and sometimes aloof face to avoid getting hurt. This is also the reason why I keep a certain amount of distance from people.

9. I love my mother the most, but I know I'll do things to hurt her and it tears me apart to think about it.

10. I get depressed very easily.

11.I lack confidence & social skills, even though some people might think otherwise. I have a very low self esteem and need a lot of reassurance to keep me from losing it.

12. I love my life in London but I miss my family and the life dearly, but I'm glad I have my boyfriend for support.

13. Having my own career and being financially independent is crucial for me - I have always wanted this - since I was a very young girl.

14. I was bullied in school and even though people say I should let go, I still carry the burden of not being good enough.

15. I'm not into night life anymore - if I want to go out, I'd rather go to a quiet bar for a nice cocktail and conversation.

16. I would love to live in New York.

15. I'm addicted to Second Life - Yes I'm a loser !

16. I'd rather read a book than watch TV

17. If I take something on I need it to be perfect - I enjoy hard work and challenges. When I'm over burdened with work, I might feel weak, but I feel immense joy when I finish whats been given to me successfully.

18. I love Chanel !! But think luxury is over-rated, and people who have it take their life for granted.

19. Nothing makes me more happy than to write, I enjoy writing - be it a press release, a poem, a story or just random rants!

20. I've been in love twice.

21. I want to open a restaurant one day.

22. I hate the instability of my life right now and I hate being weak.

23. I want my parents to be proud of me.

24. My favourite colour is Blue not Pink, as most people think it is.

25. I really appreciate everyone whose come into my life, my friends mean a lot to me.

xxx

I'll remember you....

2009-06-25T21:43:00.002+01:00

<3 x

24

2009-06-09T16:12:00.000+01:00

Doesn't feel that special! Just the same old same old. Miss my family and friends, extremely. Phone keeps pinging with wishes. i like birthdays a lot! But it just doesn't feel special... And I want to feel special, just for a day :) I'm still 5 years old getting excited about birthdays...maybe I'm the only one who enjoys turning old!
Oh well...a very happy birthday to me :)
Xxx

Sick!

2009-05-11T13:05:00.003+01:00

You know that feeling you get when things don't go exactly the way you had planned. The sudden realization that life is slipping away. It may come to you as you are doing the dishes or as you lay awake in bed. The feeling that churns your stomach and makes you feel sick and weak. When you feel devoid of any emotion, you should be angry but you can't...you should cry because you are hurt, but you can't. You just sit there, in silence.
You have just lost your dreams, and realized you were not chasing happiness after all. You are alone except that voice in your head telling you off for being so insanely stupid! You want to react, want to scream back saying it all hasn't been in vain. But you can't. All you can do is sit there, in silence.
It's not a very good feeling at all. The silence defeans you - it is louder than anything else you have heard, you want to make it stop, but you can't...

xxx

I'll be your crying shoulder, I'll be love's suicide...

2009-04-28T19:54:00.003+01:00

I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

You're My Survival, You're My Living Proof
My love is alive and not dead

Song by Edwin McCain - I'll be your crying shoulder

When I look into your eyes the sun always shines even on a cloudy day! I love you with all I have.

xxx

"When I die I want to go to Vogue."

2009-04-26T18:59:00.005+01:00

First issue of Vogue India. Photographed by Patrick Demarchelier.

OMG! It's everything I've dreamt of and more :) Short lived but cherished forever !!!

*Quote in the title by David Bailey.

Love !

2009-04-26T17:53:00.001+01:00

xxx

Meow

2009-04-05T19:55:00.000+01:00

Your Ego is Very Small

You don't have a high opinion of yourself. You're happy with who you are, but you don't feel special.

You believe you're just like everyone else. You aren't more unique or more deserving.

While it's good to be humble, make sure you don't sell yourself short.

You may not have a superiority complex, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself.

How Big Is Your Ego?

Getting Techy!

2009-03-07T09:22:00.004Z

*sqqqqqueeeeeeee* As one of the guys in the newstory below voices my personal opinion about Macs : I love everything shiny and Mac *giggles*

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

OMG! Awesomeness, although personally I feel it would be super difficult to use it on a daily basis, or worse when you are drunk! I know for a fact I can't even use a touch phone when I've had a teeny weeny bit of *gasps* alcohol!
I do agree it's pretty damn cool though and extremely innovative! I <3 Mac! Although I might be bending towards getting a Vaio sometime soon - because Mac doesn't support a lot of things I need! *sigh*

Video credit : http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

xxx

Ridiculously Tiny Feet

2009-03-01T18:00:00.003Z

I'll be lucky in Japan. XD

xxx

Twice borrowed

2009-02-28T13:44:00.005Z

I was catching up on HolyTrance - it's a blog that I really enjoy reading. There is a post there which was borrowed from somwhere off the Internet. I want to share it here on my bloggie because not only is it beautifully written, but also because a huge part of me is reflected in those words. Those who know me would understand why. So here it is:

I’m not a perfect girl... my hair doesn’t
always stay in place, and I spill a lot of
things. I’m pretty clumsy and sometimes
I have a broken heart.
my friends & I
sometimes fight and maybe some days
nothing goes right but when I think about
it and take a step back, I remember how
(amazing) life truly is and that maybe...
just maybe, I like being UNPERFECT!

I’m not the girl who runs up to you when
I see you & am not the girl who jumps at
every moment to talk to you; 'but I am the
girl who keeps it all inside'& regrets it
later. You still give me butterflies…

In my opinion... one of the worst feelings
in the world is wondering how things
could have - would have - should have been.

You will never know how it feels to have the one person
who means everything to you, makes you feel that you're nothing

She's not like most girls her age…
you'd think it would be her routine by now -
you'd think she wouldn't let it get to her -
but the truth is …
you're the only one who can break her now.

It’s like; we’re more than friends;
but less than lovers.

There’s no use stressing over something in the past, because there’s not a damn thing you can do to change it

At some point you have to realize he doesn’t care & you could be missing out on someone who does.

Anyone can be passionate...but only real lovers can be silly.

Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person goodnight.

xxx

The Fighter

2009-02-22T17:36:00.007Z

The following text is entirely fictional. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

They said, "You are weak." She stood up in arms and proved them wrong.
They said, "The weak cry." She put a shield to hide any tears.
They said, "You are but a girl, you have no right to dream." She fought for her dreams to come true.

In the end they found her alone, her sword by her side - crying tears of blood. They asked, "Why are you crying? You have everything."

She whispered, "I'm tired. All my life I fought for them, and now I sit here alone, with no one to hold me when I fall."

Therapy

2009-02-15T09:13:00.005Z

The following text is entirely fictional. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

She sat with him by her side. The room felt stuffy as she intertwined his fingers with hers. The kitten they had just bought stroked her leg, sending shivers down her back. She sighed, looking at their palms clasped together - he knew she liked that.

Looking into his eyes she searched for an answer, he looked calm and she was struggling to keep her nerves. She didn't want this to be the last time, she didn't want it to end. Tears filled her big eyes, with quivering lips she asked, "Does she know you better than me?"

For the first time he looked at her, hoping she didn't think this way. He knew her better - he knew her thoughts. He didn't say a word, he couldn't explain why it happened. He stood up, straightened his shirt and walked towards the bedroom door. "Goodnight," he whispered, "You were special."

xxx

2009-01-24T10:37:00.003Z

So a friend of mine sent me a link to this awesome site today and we both agreed that the one below, and I also never want to forget this, because it's so sweet and this is what love really is :D

Alexandra

As you were breaking up with me, all I could think about were those mornings when you compared the Pop-Tarts and gave me the one with more frosting.

And here's the link to read more of the stories (it's also been added to my blogroll) http://www.onesentence.org/

xxx

The Meeting

2009-01-11T19:58:00.011Z

The following text is entirely fictional. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

She pressed her lips trying her best to remain calm. There was no grey cloud in sight, the sunshine seeped through the glass roof. She imagined what she'd do when it finally happened, a wave or would she dare to hug. Kurt Cobain blasted in her ears, breaking her thoughts.

She searched for her iPod in her bag when she saw the shoes, her eyes followed the pair carefully till it came and stood still facing her. She looked up, staring into his light brown eyes and smiled.

Her eyes flickered, checking the big clock on the opposite wall. He's here before time, she thought, waiting patiently for him to make the first move. He moved towards her, she waved, blushing at the awkward moment. She finally hugged him, letting his hand linger on her arm. They held hands as they spoke of the commute.

With a single movement he pulled her closer and their lips met for the first time. She pulled away, searching his face for the happiness she craved. "I've waited for you so long," he whispered. She let him kiss her again, her heart heavy with joy. She felt a load lifted off her chest, there would be no more grey in her life anymore.

Taken

2009-01-09T12:32:00.011Z

The following text is entirely fictional. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

She put her hand on her hips, it's really crowded here, she thought as people walked past in the tiny store. "Anything you like baby?" she turned to face him. His smile grew wider, "Yes" he whispered, turning her around like a doll. He pointed towards something in front of her. She squinted her eyes, realizing what he was talking about. "Perfect, isn't she" he said, talking about his girl's reflection, "I like that the best."

She tiptoed as he pulled her closer for a kiss. "Yes, unfortunately I think she's taken," she teased. They slipped out of the store just as the familiar tune of Billy Jean started playing. He took her hand in hers, she moved closer to him. She loved how tiny her hand felt in his palm, the security she got from such a simple touch. She intertwined her fingers with his when she felt the cold metal.

She stood still for a moment, regaining herself. The cold metal was a constant reminder. She felt numb, as her breathing grew faster. Yes, he's taken, she sighed; unfortunately, not by me.

I haz humor

2009-01-04T20:20:00.002Z

The story of the Pencil

2008-12-29T10:04:00.005Z

I'm currently reading a book and I wanted to share this here because it made me smile, and also because I never want to forget this. (I'm all emo and weird like that!)

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point, he asked:

'Are you writing a story about what we've done? Is it a story about me?'

His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:

'I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I'm using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.'

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn't seem very special.

'But it's just like any other pencil I've ever seen!'

'That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on to them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.

'First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides according to His will.

'Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he's much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows , because they will make you a better person.

'Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.

'Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not it's wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.

'Finally, the pencil's fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. In just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action.'

Extract from Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coehlo

2008-12-17T14:50:00.003Z

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break hem down.”

American Idiot !

2008-12-11T17:44:00.013Z

Been there, done that and got the T-shirt to prove it. Well not the T-shirt, but a Hoodie, which is just as good, except it's 5 times my size!

The Big Apple is everything I ever dreamt of, and it took me a week after leaving the city to realize I can actually live there. Well only if I had to live in Upper East Side or Greenwich Village, I'm pretty snobby like that.

Being in New York is like being in a film, where I play the role of the spoilt brat- brilliant !I met my cousin there, he lives in Seattle, and he's like NYC is so crowded blah blah...I was like what you on guy, I LOVE CROWDS! Fine, I'm anti-social sometimes, but I live in London (d-uh) so I do like the concrete jungle and all the people !

That is what so awesome about it, because there are so many people there are a gazillion things to do. I tried to do all the touristy things I had on my list- Liberty - check, Empire State Building- check, Broadway- check, NBA game- check, Museum of Modern Art- double check! The only thing I missed out on was walking down Brooklyn Bridge. Since I'm the queen on cheese, I really wanted to do it. Meh, next time ;)

New Yorkers are so friendly too. If you are in London, you could stare at someone for hours and they won't even crack a smile. Whereas, in New York everywhere I looked they were smiling...the first time it happened I was very confused (whatchya'll smiling about) but then we bumped into this New Yorker (old dude with a dog) who just started talking to us and was so sweet! You'd never have a random person strike up a conversation in London, well unless the two of you are extremely intoxicated!

Here are some snapshots :D

When we went for the Knick game at Madison Square Garden

Statue of Liberty

View from Empire State Building
Black Friday at Macy's
Saks Fifth Avenue

Remember Bubba Gump from Forrest Gump...@ Times Square

Saks Fifth Avenue - view from Rockefeller Centre

Andy Warhol - Marilyn Monroe @ Museum of Modern Art

The only thing missing in my trip was, I didn't find my American boy ;)

xxx

There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness

2008-12-11T17:32:00.003Z

OMG! It took me almost six months to watch this film! *gasps* I'm in love with it. I'm beginning to realize the movie buff in me has got lazy and doesn't watch films on time! Seriously, it took me a year to watch Juno- another awesome film.

I did go to watch Madagascar Escape 2 Africa yesterday, only because Mr. Schitt knew in advance I'd WANT to see it. I loooooooove animated films. Anyhow, Madagascar Escape 2 Africa is pretty awesome too. It's the kinda film you just leave the movie hall feeling...ummm Groovy!

This is from the first film:

So I knew Madagascar Escape 2 Africa was going to be good. It is all the goofiness and silliness I love in the film. It's a good film, but Kung Fu Panda is ACE!

Go watch it....NOW

xxx

2008-12-06T18:27:00.000Z

Achtung baby!

2008-11-23T13:17:00.007Z

Thank you for Not Smoking. Cigarette smoke is the residue of your pleasure. It contaminates the air, pollutes my hair and clothes, not to mention my lungs. This takes place without my consent. I have a pleasure, also. I like a beer now and then. The residue of my pleasure is urine. Would you be annoyed if I stood on a chair and pissed on your head and your clothes without your consent?"

I'm not so funny, Mr. Schitt (who sometimes happens to have an awesome sense of humor) found this on a blog and shared it with me, and I want to share it with you!) It's not my words but once I find the blog url from where the above bit is from I'll put it up :)

Picture courtesy: Artbox

XXX

Dreams

2008-11-21T19:48:00.001Z

"But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”
- The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho

Life is but a dream. I hold my dreams very close to my heart, from the small ones I envision at night, to the child-like ambitions I've cherished all my life. Dreams...they can be quite personal, can't they?

So when someone tells me "Keep your dreams and reality separate..." I wonder how mundane life would be without dreams to cherish? Are dreams really that different from our reality? It is but the dream that we envision that allows us to shape our future.

The other day I went to a party and got talking to this girl and after the boring "what do you do stuff" she casually mentioned that she thought I was really brave to follow my dreams, and to be honest I never thought of myself to be brave. I just did what I thought I should do, keep focused. I see people who change their career paths and achieve wonders, and those are the ones I think are brave. Moi? I'm just a silly little girl who manages to spit out a few words now and then...

The above quote is by Paulo Coelho, I think it's from his book The Alchemist. I don't have the book with me so I can't double check. I read his books much before I had even heard about positive thinking, The Secret and the sort of stuff that make dreams happen. I chanced on his book "Eleven Minutes" when I saw a classmate reading it. The Alchemist was the second book of his that I read and I admit it did change my life...not in the way that miracles do, but in the quite, shy manner that great authors inspire. I know calling Mr. Coelho a great author might be of doubt to some (my brother doesn't think much of his writings, he's more of a non-fiction dude and I say, each one to their own), but to me the word great can be used for someone who can even inspire a single person.

The Alchemist talks about achieving dreams... and to simply put it, our goals maybe closer than we think, but the journey we go through to achieve the goal, the sense of satisfaction the journey causes, and the teachings you learn along the way are just as important as the dream itself. It can be taken from a different point of view, but this is what I'm sticking to.

“Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.”
- Paulo Coelho

So you see, dreams to me are not just silly little thoughts. They are visions to the future, visions of a secret desire, visions that make life beautiful. As a shy, little, insecure girl I dreamt that I will be whoever I wanted to be, I will carve my own path being able to stand my own ground. It's not something impossible, I know I can achieve it, most days I feel sorry for the people around me, some days I feel sorry for myself. I have moments of weakness, and in those times I think of what the future will be, and how tiny these moments are compared to the satisfaction of achieving my dream.

I may not achieve everything, but even if I become a single per cent of the woman I envisioned to be, I will know the journey was worth the while.

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
- Paulo Coelho

XXX

Stress levels: High!

2008-11-18T22:22:00.004Z

I'm stressing out over a few things, nothing new & unusual I always stress out, that's just who I am. But I'm beginning to freak out about the responses regarding my paranoia. Somehow it all relates to everyone telling me to have faith, about God and everything in between. I do take it in seriously, and I love some of the advice I've been given but the similarities coming from varied people is beginning to spook me out !

xxx

La Bella Vita

2008-11-17T13:24:00.006Z

A new baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.
Eda J. Le Shan

My nephew, my angel. I love both my nephews and I wish I can see them grow into strong sensible men with right values. I wish they respect their parents and grandpatents and love everyone around them, I wish they choose what is right for them but never hurt anyone along the way. Most of all I wish they have the strength to follow their dreams...

xxx

Oh Hai There !

2008-11-12T11:10:00.007Z

I almost forgot I had a bloggie! Last few months have been really hectic work wise, and to be honest I've had stressful (OMG nothing is going to work out days) but in general I've been happy!

Which made me realize, I can't write when I'm happy, I just don't have any deep meaningful thoughts. This is in general, I don't even think I can write news/feature articles for work when I'm happy ! AND BOY AM I HAPPY ! :D

Well, mainly coz it's November, I'm always happy in November. It's my favourite month for numerous reasons, one of them being that Christmas is just round the corner. Thankfully, for me Xmas doesn't mean stressing for pressies for million family and friends, if I want to gift, I will, if I don't my love & affection is good enough for everyone ;)

I do like Christmas quite a lot. My friends know this really well, coz when I shared a house with lovely Jenny Benny I'd be the first one getting excited about Christmas decoration and I'd be planning the party wayyyy in advance. Which reminds me I neeed to book my friends off for our Xmas ado-do ! We all are little busy bees who needed to schedule each other in!

Last year, when I moved to my new place and didn't have a tree to decorate my house, Jenny Benny gifted me Xmas decor complete with the tree. Best present I've ever received. Most people don't know this, but I love surprises! Sure, I'd be the one poking my nose and pestering about trying to guess the surprise...but if someone actually manages to go through the whole ordeal with me...I'm just one happy bunny ! :D

Xmas does make me a bit sad, coz on Xmas day everyone is with their family, and I'm just stuck at home watching silly Christmas shows on TV coz my family is so far away! This is not to say we'd be having a Christmas lunch or dinner. It makes me sad, coz every Christmas eve, my friend and I go out the night before and have a ball! We whine about the same party we go to, but we always make it a point to look amazingly gorgeous and just try to have a good time. But in the end we do, coz we all just get to hang out and be silly. It's one of those parties which you had to attend the minute you were allowed late nights, most people have deadlines throughout the year, but on Christmas eve, there's no deadline and it's just good fun :)

The best bit about Christmas in London is the day after, Boxing Day! OMG the sales...do I need to say more? I'm the girl who literally camps outside Selfridges a few hours before it opens! I know, I know, I'm extremely silly :)

This post has way too many smiles...not good for the emo in me ;) But I can't help it.

OMG OMG OMG! I'm going to New York ! I wanted to go and study in NYU when I was younger (and a part of me still wants to!) and when the visa lady told me my visa has bee approved I just wanted to hug her! Heck I even wanted to hug the postman when he gave me my passport ! :D I'm going for a week long holiday and I'm realllly looking forward to it :D

I do love to travel...there's so much I want to see and so many things I want to do. It makes me really happy to see my dreams come true.

Also, this month is Mr Schitt's birthday, the maiiiiin reason why I love this month. My two fave months of the year is November and May (no, my birthday is not in May!) Everyday I feel so happy to have him by my side. He's my joy, my sorrow, my smile, my tears, but there isn't one thing I'd want to change !

There are a few things that are bugging me though. I'm getting extremely frustrated about chasing my dreams, but that's for another post...where I'm more emo :D

I do wish I could make the people around me happy. I do hate it when I'm the reason for sadness or stress for the people who are really close to me, who make me smile and make the sun shine...

I have an article to finish for work, and it's been good having work to concentrate on, but it's also frustrating coz of the goddamn recession! Although, one thing is for sure...working from home is hard! I can't concentrate, I get distratcted by shiny objects too easily !

I've been working in the beauty department recently, and I'm officially a beauty junkie now. I have so much stuff in my house...it's not funny! I do plan to give out most of the stuff, but I can't decide if I should have a beauty sale, where I sell the stuff for a quid each and then donate the money to some Breast Cancer charity, coz I do really support that (I wore my pink ribbon throughout October...go me!!) *grins*

I think the best thing about print journalism for me is seeing my byline. I don't say this out of pride, but seeing my name see printed brings immense joy to me. :s

OMG! I'll be getting photoshop on my dear lappie soon, *sqqqqqueeeel* soooo excited about it.

Okay! I better get back to work... I promise there will be an emo post coming soon... ;)

xxx

2008-10-19T16:00:00.002+01:00

Good morning, on July 7 by Beethoven

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

2008-09-20T12:10:00.006+01:00

*sqqqqqquuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Yup, that's what I am like today. Jumping up and down with joy. The reason? None! Life's still the same, very blah. Thus, the very emo-tastic previous posts. All that doesn't matter, coz right I'm happpppppppppyyyyyyy :D

Yes, I'm the weirdo who has bouts of happiness for no apparent reason :D

xxx

Normality

2008-09-15T23:03:00.006+01:00

The following text is entirely fictional. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

She stood there waiting for the bus. The cold was hurting her fingers as she clenched the grocery bags. She looked up and that's when she saw it. "Come visit us in sunny Florida", it read. She smiled, thinking of him. He was so happy that day, that beautiful sunny day.

"Babe, I got the job, I got the job ! It's in Daytona Beach." Her heart dropped. That's half the world away. She put on a brave smile and said, "Congratulations honey, you deserve it." She held on to him, for support, as if it were farewell already. He whispered into her ear, "Come with me, we'll see the world together." She stared back, he knew those empty eyes would never make false promises. He knew, she knew, it was the beginning of an end.

She's back home now, trying to settle in to the warmth of the house. A child is crying in the flat nearby, a dinner being cooked, a family sitting together for prime time television. "Why is it so messy?" she hears an angry voice. She sighs, he's home early tonight. She goes to the kitchen to clean up, stares out at the blinking city lights. "Come with me..." she hears the whisper, "we'll see the world together."

She shuts her eyes, for that one moment she misses him and lets the silent tears roll down.

xxx

2008-09-14T21:21:00.002+01:00

Coz I likey Tigers...a LOT!

more animals

especially white Tigers

xxx

Broken

2008-09-10T15:51:00.009+01:00

The following text is entirely fictional. Resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. I condemn any sort of violence, specially domestic violence. :)

She spits blood on the dirty sink. Looks up and stares into the mirror, only to find a shadow of her previous self. Scars will heal she tells herself. Tears roll down her cheek.
With a loud bang, he opens the door. She looks down, shuts her eyes and whispers, "I love you." He raises his hand for the final blow.
She lies in a pool of blood and dirt. A freak accident they say, a tragedy. Only she knew.

xxx

And they say that a hero could save us, I'm not gonna stand here and wait...

2008-09-10T14:02:00.006+01:00

- Hero, Nickelback

Someone recently told me, that talking to me is like talking to a wall! I'll admit I have never been so hurt. I am a very emotional and over sensitive person. If you tell me something, I WILL TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

I'm beginning to think maybe letting people in your life is actually not a good idea. I know I was happier when I didn't pour my heart out. Bottling up is a better option.

Someone told me love will ALL save us.
But how can that be, look what love gave us.
A world full of killing, and blood-spilling
That world never came
- Hero, Nickelback.

xxx

I'm at it again...

2008-09-10T12:55:00.006+01:00

First some awesome news...I got a job! yayayayayay! It's temporary but I'm so goddamn looking forward to working again. All the laziness and sitting at home WAS getting to me.

Anyhow, I was looking for a new blog template again! To be honest I wasn't really fond of my previous one. It had two things I hated the most- the colour brown and hearts! Yuck !

I recently stumbled upon a blog whose design I realllly loved. So I asked someone who knew the author to ask about which site to use for templates. She didn't know where she got it from, maybe she was being honest, but I was really gutted. For someone (me) being obsessed with her bloggie, I knew what it takes to add new templates and blah de blah. I was not entirely convinced of the "I don't know truth"

Anyhow, since I do have an obsessive compulsive disorder (!!!!!) mixed with extreme stubborness, I knew I had to get the bloggie template site. After a lot of searching I found it, woohoo ! And this is the template I fell in love with. Someone told me this template looks it's for a "recipe blog" but meh, I don't care. I love flowers!!! Plus, Mr. Schitt thinks it's cool too, so yay!! I've lost my damn Nav Bar again, but I don't really care this time. I really hope this doesn't mess up after a while, not showing images and all.

I'm happy for now, and going back to Gimping. I'm obsessed with working on photos. I really need Photoshop. But I think Gimp is a good alternative. I just need to learn how to combine two pictures.

Click here, for more bloggie templates.

xxx

Personality Test

2008-09-08T17:23:00.003+01:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Stability	\|\|\|\|	18%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Humanitarian	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|	16%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Family drive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Physical Fitness	\|\|	%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Para noia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Honor	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Thriftiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual

xxx

Put your pants* where they belong!

2008-09-08T02:20:00.004+01:00

I don't get it, is it supposed to be sexy? Showing your pants like that. I'm pretty grossed out. And it's all these boys doing it. Is it like a young people thing that I'm too bloody old to understand? I don't find it sexy. Showing of like a tad bit, is hot. Showing your entire boxers or in some cases your butt crack is soooo not! Same goes for all the girls.

I do LOVE Lil Wayne's hoodie in the picutre above, though. Now that's hot!!

*shakes her head mumbling, "I don't get it, I don't get it!"

Old me :P

*pants refers to underpants *rolls eyes*

xxx

America!

2008-08-28T12:03:00.006+01:00

Take me on a trip, I'd like to go some day. Take me to New York, I'd love to see LA. I really want to, come kick it with you. You'll be my American Boy.

-American Boy - Estelle Feat. Kanye West

*grins* So I'm planning my New York trip all over again! And you can't imagine how badly I want this. Chances are if you know me, and you are from America, I'll probably be making fun of your American ways. Pants and all :p

But the fact remains I've always wanted to go to NEW YORK! Well what I've really wanted is take a road trip around USA and it wouldn't bother me if it took a month or six. Anyhow, going to NYC is getting just as close. Besides I'll finally be able to say that I've been to one continent which my brother hasn't been to (he's travelled literally all over the world, the lil globe trotter!)

I've seen far too many movies and TV series revolving around New York for me not to fall in love with that city. I'm a city girl, I like the concrete jungle, I like busy people who are running around crazy having a life. I love the lights of a big city. I loveeeeee it ! Plus, if I do after Thanksgiving, it means I get to enjoy the sales (woooohoo). What more could I really ask for? :)

I'm also uber stressed out about this trip, because amongst my friends, I'm the only one who needs a Visa, which in itself freaks me out. Then since it's a budget holiday I'm praying like crazy it works out, that there are no problems with bookings and everything. I'm slightly creeped out about living in a hostel (last time I stayed in a hostel in Dublin, the bathrooms were minging!) I know once I get to NYC I'll go down to Times Square and sing New York New York, just 'cos I am so damn cheesy :P

And in case I do end up finding the "American boy" on my trip don't blame me :) I'm a sucker for accents *grins*

xxx

Achew!

2008-08-27T14:26:00.003+01:00

So Cute ! Guess who sneezed??? Love this video >_<

xxx

For all you IT Nerds :)

2008-08-27T14:23:00.004+01:00

more animals

Even Kitteh can do it ;) [Click on picture if stupid bloggie chops it up!]

xxx

Wowie!

2008-08-27T13:49:00.004+01:00

I haz skills! Photo editing skills :) Well if you count playing around with Gimp and photo editing websites as a skill, I definitely have it! Woop

I Gimp-fied my header and damnit I'm proud :) It won't be there for long, coz I'm paranoid about keeping my picture up [don't ask me why!!] I'll just bask in awesomeness for a bit and then remove it. Or I don't know, I'm confused :(

xxx

What a party!

2008-08-26T15:33:00.007+01:00

Semi-naked chicks - Check
Lot of Alcohol - Check
Loud loud music - Check
Lotta grinding(???) - Double Check

So, why did Shrutters not have fun? I went to Notting Hill Carnival yesterday and to be very honest, I was a tad bit disappointed. Maybe it was the cloudy weather, maybe it was me being sober and everyone else being really drunk or maybe it was just the simple fact that it was over over over crowded!

Notting Hill Carnival is an annual event held in the uber posh Kensington-Notting Hill area (ring a bell from the film Notting Hill..sorry no Hugh Grant roaming about there though!) Anyhow, it's sort of like a mini mini mini version of the Brazilian Carnival at Rio.

Every year for the past three years I have been planning to go for it. So this year finally when I did end up going, I was expecting, quite a LOT!

I'm not being harsh, it was a pretty good carnival, the customes were excellent, but to me it just seemed like a bunch of people (even the people parading and organizing) getting pissed drunk and then just walking on slowly with the dullest or drunkest look EVERRRR!

Not a bad way to spend the last Bank Holiday Monday of the year, but I wish it was sunny and I wish I was picnicking in Primrose Hill.

xxx

2008-08-26T15:29:00.001+01:00

Bored!

2008-08-26T11:53:00.003+01:00

You can skip it if ya like, but since I love these stupid thingies, here we go! :)

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
To Mr. Schitt, and he probably deserved it! pfft

Who came over last?
I don't remember, it's been so long *sobs*

Do you drink beer?
Sometimes

What is in your pocket?
I haz no pockets!

What's something fun you did today?
Nothing!

What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
Kitteh!

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
Wuzzat? No rear view mirror for me... My car is a BuS!

What is your favorite kind of gum?
Bubble?

Do you have any tan lines?
Fank God no! I am naturally very evenly tanned

Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Yes, Mrs. Neogi

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
Sometimes, but I usually mess up so I avoid *blush*

How tall are you?
Not very, 5feet1 :/

Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Um depending on where the departure location is, I have travelled far and wide...soon it'll be NYC *grins*

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
Both :)

Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
Mommy :D

How long does it take you to shower?
I don't know, never timed myself :O

Can you use the grill?
Um..maybeez :/

What is the last letter of your middle name?
No middle name

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
8 hours of beauty sleep

What is your favorite song at the moment?
Love me Dead by Ludo, Viva La Vida by Coldplay, Out of Control by She wants revenge, and I did it my way by Frank Sinatra

Any up coming events you're excited about?
This weekend! Paaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssss *grins*

The last song you listened to?
Brand New by Drake 0.o

What are you doing tomorrow?
I got no clue!

Who was the last person that helped you stop crying?
Noone, I helped myself :))

What would you say if someone told you they loved you?

I'd be in shock so the response would come a few days later ;)

What do you hate about your school?
Okay, this is confusing, "school" as in uni or school as in school???? I hated SCHOOL but I loved everything about Uni :/ phew

If u married the last person you said "I love you" to who would it be?
*rolls eyes* I wouldn't marry so this question doesn't make sense!

Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?
No...how do you do that? *gasps*

Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
:) Second Life?

What friend knows you the best?
Stephanieeeee & Sonum :)

Last person to see you cry?
Mr Schitt

Are you a forgiving person?
I forgive, but I never ever EVERRRRRRRRR forget!

Would you ever share a girl/boyfriend with your best friend?
That's a bit creeepy ! Hell no

Have you lost a friend recently?
I don't remember :/

Are you talking to someone while doing this?
Nope

How has this week been?
Just started and it looks very cloudy so I'm not keeping my hopes high!

Do you have a best friend?
Yup!

How many siblings do you have?
Two!

Did the last friend you lost mean a lot to you?
Like I said, I don't know, if he/she did mean a lot to me, I would remember...wouldn't I? pfft

How many true friends do you have?
I don't know...One?

Do you remember your dreams?
yes...very very very well :)

How is your hair?
Crap? bedhead!

Name something that made you frown today:
Someone being offline :/

So, what if you married the last person you kissed?
So...what if? Pfft

If you could change your eye color would you?
No...I like my spoooky really black eyes thankewverymush!

Last person you told a secret to?
*rolls eyes* I don't remember

What's your favorite thing about Sundays?
Everyday is a sunday for me *grins*

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Yes....!

Ever kissed someone who's name starts with a Q?
Um...No! and now I want to ;)

Do you have a best friend to lean on?
I hope so... *shuffles feet nervously*

Have you ever had the opposite sex wear your underwear?
Gross! No

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Sleeping!

What was the weather like today?
Crap as ever!

Do you want to cut your hair?
No, I'm paranoid!

How do you make your money?
Interesting question.......................

Was today a good day?
Well so far....

Do you bite your fingernails?
Nope

Do you like Mexican food?
Love it

Do you watch a lot of tv?
No, I hate TV

Have you ever snuck out of your house late at night?
Hahaha...yes...got caught... and did it the next night again! :P

What did you eat today?
Nothing yet

What happened at 10:00am today?
Nothing interesting

Did you hug anyone today?
No..I needz hugs! NAOW!

What was the first thing you did when you woke up today?
Made the bed?

Last person you went to the movies with?
I don't remember...god it's been so long!

Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
I would like to stay with Today!

Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Exactly where I am right now !

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
Nope

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
Wayyy tooo many time!

Do you want to go to college?
Been there, done that :)

Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
Yes...alll the time!damn them!

xxx

Arrgh! Am I Fugly?

2008-08-24T23:07:00.003+01:00

I just finished watching a documentary, Super Botox Me, on Channel 4. It was by the girl with the brains, who also happens to be one of my fave journalist, Kate Spicer. I've seen few of her stuff before and she handles all topics with such grace, presenting both the sides of the argument.

The topic was, as is quite obvious by the title, Botox and cosmetic surgery. I was grossed out watching all the things she gets done, but there was a part of me that frowned at the mirror and touched my forehead looking for wrinkles.

Wrinkles is a long time away for me, but I know as a matter of fact I'll get them pretty soon. I blame on bad genes and sloppy with make up. But meh!

Anyhow, in the show, Kate Spice flies off to Botox nation, America to find out more about cosmetic surgeries and in the end she gets a lot of treatment done. I personally think she looked better without the surgeries, but that is just me being, "love yourself for who you are" me!

The thing is, I am very vain. I don't know if it comes from people telling me that I'm beautiful or is it because I am part of a good looking gene pool.

I remember when I first heard about cosmetic surgery at a very young age, I was straight away very anti-surgery. I can't imagine not growing old gracefully. Yes, I lead a very unhealthy lifestyle, and probably by the time I'm 40, I'd regret having such principles. But the fact remains, if you get Botox done, it IS noticeable. Maybe, not so much in America, because everyone there is Botoxed, but elsewhere in Normal World, people would know.

I get picked on a lot of things that are weird about my looks. My brother teases me about my nose, my mom thinks I should remove my beauty spot *gasps*, Mr Schitt calls me fat. But something seriously must be wrong with me, because even with all that I really really really like myself. :(

Sure, I'm young right now and I can show off about having beautiful skin, but my sister who is in her early 30s has beautiful skin. I think both of us were introduced to make up at a very later stage in life. I know I didn't use make up till I nineteen, and even now I'd whine and moan while putting make up for a night out (that is the only time I would bother with make up!)

Cosmetic surgery I feel is anti-feminism, but more than anything else it is anti-self. It must do real harm to your self esteem to think you are not good enough. Whether it's to remove wrinkles or to shapen your nose.

Kate Spice handled the topic of principles really well. You could see that she was really struggling with switching sides from being anti-cosmetic surgery to pro. At the end of the day, it is everyone's personal choice. But before you do anything to yourself, I think everyone should remember that they are beautiful just the way the are.

Beauty, even though it's cliched, is what is on the inside. So dig deep, you might find something without the help of others.

xxx

Ouch!

2008-08-22T16:31:00.005+01:00

"The desire to explore an unknown Indian village proved painful for Russian tourist Yegor Talikov, 30, who was beaten up by residents in West Midnapore’s Debra when they could not follow his English. Police said he had got off Chennai Mail on Tuesday evening when it made an unscheduled stop 80km from Howrah. (Swarup Mondal)"
The Telegraph [21/08/08]

Poor guy! Poor poor guy! That has to be the worst reason EVER to be beaten up. Then again, I do think most people in West Bengal are crazy (yes, I come from there too!!!!!)

xxx

WTF!

2008-08-21T15:07:00.004+01:00

I'm listening to this song by Katy Perry. It's called I Kissed a Girl. The tune is pretty catchy, yer yer...but it's not really worth being up there with all the great music.

WTF is wrong with song writers these days? First it was Kate Nash with her Foundations and Mouthwash. The lyrics of Mouthwash is something like this

And I use mouthwash Sometimes I floss I've got a family And I drink cups of tea

How old do you have to be to pass this off as lyrical-genius? And omg !!! The lyrics of I Kissed a Girl goes like this

I kissed a girl and I liked it The taste of her cherry chap stick I kissed a girl just to try it I hope my boyfriend don't mind it

Of course he doesn't mind, you might have just made his day! But really people stop writing lyrics that even a five year could write and if you do, please have the world's most amazing voice to carry it off, which Katy Perry doesn't have!

Just my opinion!

xxx

RANT!

2008-08-19T13:56:00.006+01:00

So, I recently added my blog link on Facebook. It took a lot of nagging from Mr. Schitt for me to actually put it up. I removed it after a day.

Well, you see my blog is more personal to me than anything ever has been or ever will be. So if I gave you the link to my blog, I like you and I don't have any secrets as such from you. So you'd have to be pretty close enough to me for me to actually divulge my secrets and fears to you in the form of this blog.

I used to have my old blog link on facebook, but back then I never really wrote much. I added my link, and the little magical thing on my blog told me it has been checked by two people. Two people, I'm not really close to. One of them, I know checked it, just to be nosey!

Nosey, is fine I guess. But then don't pretend like you don't know about my bloggie or never read it! Coz girl, I KNOW !

Get a life, read- comment or don't read at all. Stop being such a bitch !

I don't write for anybody, I write for myself. Simply coz I LOVE LOVE LOVE writing. There is nothing else in the world I'd rather do. I'm going to add my link back to my Facebook, and try to bite my tongue when rude people annoy me!

END OF RANT!

xxx

I Heart pancakes!

2008-08-14T15:40:00.005+01:00

I have a friend Jen, she used to make pancakes for me and then we'd sit together, pour lots of choccie on the pancakes and enjoy :) I miss her

xxx

Amore Mio

2008-08-14T15:25:00.004+01:00

My Love.

xxx

Lost girl

2008-08-14T13:30:00.007+01:00

The following text is entirely fictional. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. :)

I'll be whoever you want me to be. I'll be the joker or the bimbette, the conversationalist or the listener, the poet or the fashionista, the dork or the diva. What's your choice? But if you dig deep under the masks you might find the lonely, lost girl. The cheeks streaked with tears you forgot to wipe, the smile that no longer dazzles.

I'm loved, I know I am.

I stare at the wall, I zone out. I breathe, I fidget. I roll over the bed and sleep. Tomorrow, another day, another mask to wear. I'll be whoever you want me to be.

xxx

100!

2008-08-14T08:50:00.004+01:00

It's not something interesting, no stories, no rants. Just a simple number. 100 :) This is my 100th post Yay ! I knew about this two days before, I thought I'll write a special blog, but something interesting, but nyah. It took me exactly (just a month shy) two years...but goddamn I'm there :D

xxx

Auntie Shrutters!

2008-08-13T12:57:00.007+01:00

"How's the baby?", I ask. In the cutest whispering voice my brother replies, "tiny." *Puts her hand to her heart and goes AWWWWWWWWWW*

I'm an auntie...woohoo ! I don't think I can stop saying it enough. I was an auntie before, Masi but now I'm a Fui too! Two nephews who rock my world ! Another little baby to spoil, pamper and love unconditionally.

I'm really reallly reallly happy for my brother & sister in law. My parents too, they are Dada - Dadi now :D I'm happy for my sister, my nephew who now has his own little baby brother :D I'm missing home, I really really want to be there, hold the little boy in my hands. I wish I was with family just so I could hug someone and jump up & down. :)

"A wee bit of heaven
drifted down from above-
A handful of happiness,
a heart full of love.

The mystery of life,
so sacred and sweet-
The giver of joy
so deep and complete.

Precious and priceless,
so lovable, too-
The world's sweetest miracle,
baby, is you."

-Helen Steiner Rice

Words can't express how happy I am right now. I have a big smile on my goofy face, and I wish all the love and luck to my brother, Nish and his beautiful wife, Davina :) God bless you both. Love you :D

xxx

School of Rock!

2008-08-12T12:06:00.004+01:00

I recently got talking to a friend about my weird music taste. My friend, the hip-hop lover asked me what bands I liked, just to check if any were worth their names. I blabbered on about Mr. Hendrix to Mick Jagger and threw in Arctic Monkeys and a little bit of Joy Division.

To my surprise *I nearly fainted!!* my friend told me, I had a music taste which would make the people at the retirement house proud ! OMG! He further added that, I'm one of those young folks who like to talk to old people.

Does it make sense? NO!! I don't want to chat up people at the retirement house, and it ain't my fault if I prefer RAWK n Roll to Hip Hop. I like cheesy music too. But the topic of discussion here is Hip Hop Vs Rock.

I think my disgust with hip-hop & rap comes from me going to too many clubs with my friends where they play the genre. I swear the genre is for young horny teens who are looking to get it off with anything that moves! I maybe wrong...BUT it's my blog, it's my opinion!

Everytime, I've been to a club where they play hip hop-rap !blah! I've had some guy try to hold my hand and make me dance with him. Call me old fashioned, but that is not my idea of having a "good time!" Besides, I hardly ever recognize the "non commercial" hip hop music these young 'uns talk about. I've heard of Modest Mouse and that's all hunky dory but goddamnit it'll NEVER EVER EVER be as good as listening to Eric Clapton do his guitar magic.

I was at Jamboree in Barcelona last year, the club has two floors. The ground floor which is super crowded plays, hip hop. Since my friends LOVE hip hop I ended up getting bored on the ground floor *not really bored but more like I didn't enjoy the music, I enjoyed my friend's tomfoolery*. I swayed a bit, danced a little, but clearly my friends could make out that I was really wishing I'd rather be in the hotel room sleeping!

The first floor plays, rock and roll, retro, indie and the like. After a while, I begged them to go up! Boy! Was it worth the wait :) My friends were a bit shocked to see the difference in me. It was like someone had handed me a red bull and I was full of ZING (???) In a hip hop club, I'd not even give a guy a second look, but on the second floor, I was singing *more like screaming* AC DC "I shook you all night long" with a bunch of total random blokes!

Yes...It's only Rock & Roll, but I like it :D

xxx

Fatty !

2008-08-12T11:51:00.007+01:00

I was out shopping with a friend the other day. The thing about London is, even if the weather is slightly warm, the short skirts and skimpy tops come out. So if you go shopping in London, you'll end up seeing all the legs that had to be forced away during the cold cold winter days!

My friend wanted to buy a dress for this event she was going to. I suggested this gorgeous dress, but she rebuffed me saying she doesn't have my legs to wear that. I mumbled a very sheepish okay and moved along. Let me point out, I don't have "modelesque" legs, I'm short so that pretty much makes my legs very NORMAL ! *gasps*

Soonish, we were sitting at the food place, me with my yummy-delish Burger King *woot* and that's when this *sort of* over-weight lady passed us, whose skirt was a little shy of her knees. I looked at my friend squarely in her face and said, "If she can do it, so can you!"

I didn't mean to offend anyone, but my friend just looked at that lady as if she was committing some serious crime. Forgive me, if I believe that you should love your body no matter what size you are! I know I do.

My friend is a good size, she by NOOOOOOOO means is fat, and I kinda felt disappointed because, I was thinking....why why why woman would you not love what you have? I don't really get women who pinpoint their imperfect nose, or hate their ears? I mean really are ears really something that should bother you so much?

Sure, I'm not perfect. I got my jiggly thighs and I do have FAT DAYS, but overall I love me! And it's a darn pity when women don't love themselves, fat legs or without !! As for the "over-weight" lady with the short skirt, I'd say "go girlfriend!!" for having the balls to wear something that make other people cringe!

END OF RANT !

xxx

...And the reason is you

2008-08-12T11:38:00.011+01:00

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

-The Reason by Hoobastank

I had a very rough day yesterday. The world crumbled in and it just seemed that nothing will go right...EVER!

Well, today is better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be better than today. Why? Because I realized I have wonderful people to share my life with.

Whenever I feel emo, I just remember that I have a family who care for me, a boyfriend who loves me beyond compare and a best friend who makes me laugh with her witty comments and is always there when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I'm grateful for these people, and no stranger could ever imagine the influence they have on me. No one could take their place, no one could be more perfect.
Sure, I have days when I want to scratch their faces *of course I don't mean Steph's face*, but these people have been there for me and made my life beautiful.

I might be shifting back home in January and it tears me apart. How will I survive when my heart is here in London? How will I breathe without my independent lifestyle? I'll survive knowing that my four years were filled with beautiful, precious, funny and some just plain on crack days because of Arun and Steph.

And for tht I am grateful :)

XXX

Sissypoo !!

2008-08-11T16:11:00.010+01:00

"There is no better friend than a sister. And there is no better sister than you. "
-Author Unknown

Happy birthday gorgeous! My sister, my twin, my inspiration. I'm the spitting image of her, except we are born eight years apart. We are so alike, yet so different, and we still know where to find balance and I love her unconditionally.

"A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double."

-Toni Morrison

My sister is someone I look up to. She's gorgeous and has the brains to match. If by her age, I'm even half as mature as her, I'd think I'd be proud.

My sis, Di and I have some major fights *and she'll probably kill me for writing this year* but you do fight with the people you love the most. As a widdle Shrutters I would be silly just to get my sister's attention, and attention I did get. ;)

As kids, I doubt we were close. She loved me dotingly, fighting with my cousin just so her lil sister could get the window seat on the way to school. Yes, she pampered me. But I think we grew much closer once we both got older. I think it had a lot to do the massive age difference between the two of us. I think my love affair with shopping grew with her.

She inspires me and it's great to know I have her to lean back on. She screams at me when I'm wrong and pampers me for no random reason :)

I saw my first ever first-day-first show at the cinema with her, it was a rubbish film, but I remember every detail of that day. *don't freak out coz I remember this ok, I was young but I got a great memory;)*

She's a great sister, a perfect daughter and a brilliant mum. We still don't look eye to eye and we argue about most things. I remember someone had asked me once if I ever get jealous of the fact that everyone tells me my sister is the hot, gorgeous one and I remember replying back, "why should I? She's my sister." Her gorgeousness rubs off on me. No can be as stunning as her.

"We fought, we patched up. We laughed at jokes that no one can understand. We said some of the meanest things to each other. We defended each other when others won't. We did some of the silliest things together and there's so many stories to be recalled when we are together."

- Unknown

I love you even though some days you feel I don't. I respect you, my sister. Not because it's demanded, but because there is nothing else in the world that could ever sum up how I feel for you. The joy and the happiness we share, the bitching we do, the tears and bickering we go through, I'm glad we are sisters. There is no one in the world who could take your place, no one as special a friend as you.

Di, you are very dear to me, even when I forget to call, even when I act like a total bitch and ask you to fuck off. Thank you for being you. :)

Here's to all the world's happiness for you. Send some Wasabi Sushi to me now :D

PS> Steph wishes you a Happy Birthday tooooo :D:D:D

XXX

Ta Da!

2008-08-09T13:08:00.004+01:00

Here's the template I'm sticking with! Pheww can't be bothered anymore :( It's pretty and swirly but I still don't have a navigation bar, so phook it :)

xxx

2008-08-08T13:08:00.003+01:00

Redesigning!

I decided to give my bloggie a new look and I did manage to upload a template I really loved, it had skulls. it was black and it was so cool. Perfecto, si?

Well, I ended up losing my navigation bar and some other shit. It all made me very depressed. Stupid blogger eats up half of my music cassette and I can't change songs!

I did manage to understand the XML shit without any help from Mr. Schitt *go meee!!* Hopefully I'll get down with this shit soon and everything will be back to normal...or so I hope!!!

xxx

The Cosmo Quiz !

2008-08-07T12:17:00.013+01:00

Cosmo does this really cool quiz with the celebrities which they attach to the main interview article. Well, seeing as I never will become a celebrity I thought I might do one for my bloggie!!

Name: Shruti

Nickname: Shrutters

My favourite part of my body is:

a) My bum
b) My boobs
c) My legs (x)
d) My stomach
e) Other (x) My lips

I think my body:

a) Is just right
b) May not be perfect, but it's real (x)
c) Could stand to lose/gain a few pounds
d) Other

When I want to feel sexy, I put on

My high heels

The best thing about single is

Being able to do your own thing.. ALL THE TIME!

And the worst is

No random hugs and kisses :(

I can't resist a guy who's

a) A talented athlete
b) A talented musician (x)
c) A talented actor
d) Talented in bed
e) Other (x) With naughty eyes and a smile to match ++ Flirt! ++ Knows his Eric Clapton from his Hendrix (basically who knows music!!)

I've been in love:

a) Once (x)
b) Twice
c) Lots of times (x) I fall in love with myself everyday :P
d) Never

My celebrity crush is

Alex Turner, James McAvoy and Daniel Craig (but you probably already knew that!)

The one thing I know about men that I wish I knew 10 years ago is

They think they know everything, BUT they don't !!

I would never date a guy who:

a) Smoked
b) Didn't want kids
c) Takes longer than me to get ready
d) Dated one of my friends in the past
e) Other (x) Is too chicken to get inside my head! + Doesn't let me be me! + Does drugs

There is The One for everyone:

a) True (x) There are a lotta THE ONES! It depends on the situation!
b) False

My favourite kind of date is:

a) A movie
b) A gig (x)
c) Dinner at a restaurant (x)
d)Dinner at his
e) Other (x) Picnic on a nice summer day!

The worst chat up line that's ever been used on me was

You look like an Indian actress!

In relationships I usually:

a) Wear the trousers
b) Am the emotional one (x)
c) Make all the plans
d) Overanalyse everything (x)

I think it's sexy when a guy:

a) Is a bit of a bad boy
b) Calls his mum every day
c) Is good with his kids (x)
d) Has an amazing body
e) Other (x) Is a bit nerdy-geeky-dorky!

It's really unattractive when a guy:

a) Gets jealous (x)
b) Lacks motivation (x)
c) Is high-maintenance
d) Has a huge ego (x)
e) Doesn't listen (x)
f) Other (x) Is self centered, is anti-social, too whiney.

When I have a drink, my friends would say I mostly:

a) Talk (x)
b) Dance (x)
c) Fall over (x) Spill my drink, break a few glasses
d) Argue
e) Other (x) Smile like a fool, flirt!

The song that always puts a smile on my face is

Kabhi Kabhi - old Hindi song!

My worst habit is:

a) Eating junk food (x)
b) Swearing (x)
c) Saying what's on my mind (x)
d) Reading tabloids
e) Watching cheesy TV
f) Other (x) Shopping too much, not being on time, being lazy, being naggy!

The best piece of advice I've ever been given is:

Love yourself first and the world will follow ! Don't know by who :)

xxx

WTF!

2008-08-06T12:43:00.007+01:00

I finally caught up with the music scene, and there's this particular song that made me wanna retch!

The Saturdays is a new girl band and their debut single went straight to number 7 or 8 in UK charts. It surely must have something to do with the way the girls look, because they sound bad! The entire video is a bit retarded with the camera guy zooming in on their feet every once in a while! Feet fetish anyone? I personally wouldn't mind the constant attention given to the feet, except that they were wearing what seemed like fugly Primak rejects!

This is their song, you be the judge.

Another song that really iffed me off was Dizze Rascal feat. Calvin Harris. Well, I for one, love Calvin Harris. I loved his song Acceptable in the 80s, but this song... I mean really wtf. It's called DANCE WIV ME ! Sure, I'm all into text speak and being a gutter mouth, but something about this is totally wrong !! I mean the model who the song is picturised on, is fugly and she forgot to wear clothes !!!!

I'm not really a hip-hop/rap hater. But I just don't see the point. A friend recently sent me this song, and even thought it's hip hop, I likey !!! *strangely enough*

I'm in love with these songs right now. Coldplay's Viva La Vida, Kid Rock's All Summer Long, Ting Ting's Shut up and let me go, Noah and the whale's Five years time, The Script's The man who can't be moved and *a song I relate to* Gabriella Cimi's Sweet about me.

Now that's called music. Not semi naked fugly chicks sprancing about! Pfft, but then again, it's just my opinion :P

PS: click on the name of the songs if ya wanna hear them :)

xxx

Internet Service Providings

2008-08-05T10:36:00.002+01:00

Do you wanting 42 megabytings Internet????

xxx

You make sweet sweet music, and I make sweet sweet ****

2008-08-04T17:15:00.008+01:00

Woot! I finally updated my playlist!! It's the pink cassette over there!!!! Enjoy crap-tastic music !

Since I'm obsessed with pictures, and I'm already bored of looking at widdle turtle below, here's something!!

XXX

NUFF!

2008-08-01T14:56:00.006+01:00

Too many pictures in bloggie, don't ya think? Well that's because I've been leading a boring quiet life right now. Yup! Nothing exciting happening at my end of the woods *shocking!!!!*

I've come back to London and the house looks like it was hit by a tornado. I hate builders, they decided to work on my priddy house while I was away!! *argh* But I'm sick of cleaning and all that bull. My life in London seems to be a round circle involving only cleaning, cooking & getting drunk! *I exaggerate, there's not getting drunk involved!!!!* I go on a strike! I am NOT unpacking till I don't know when!!! Pffftttt

When I'm here I end up having the idiot box on all the time. It's usually VH1 or some rubbish like that. Last night I was watching Top 40 Power Ballads of all times. They seem to have a lot of countdowns like these here. Well, anyhoo the worst bit of it all was, that I knew almost ALLLLL the songs and to add to it, I was singing along because I remembered the lyrics so well. Meh I'm such a loser!

xxx

2008-08-01T14:53:00.001+01:00

Lolz

see Obama pictures

Source: http://punditkitchen.com/

xxx

Morning Sunshine!

2008-08-01T10:28:00.004+01:00

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. it means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."
- Unknown

XXX

Shrutters the goof ball!

2008-07-26T13:09:00.006+01:00

"Mom! You are not buying that, please keep that back!" I screeched. Some random woman turned to me and looked at me like I was on dope. Well, my brains were probably not functioning properly, because just as I finished screeching, I realised I had mistaken some random woman as my mommy !

OMG! So embarrassed. I turned around with my sister-in-law in that crowded store and laughed till my tummy hurt. I don't know who was more annoyed, my mom whose daughter went around calling random people MOMMY or the lady I assumed to be my mom because she seemed quite into the outfit I rebuked her about.

Lol lol lol

I solemnly promise I DON'T DO DRUGS ;) I'm just on a natural high on a drug called life !!

xxx

My Magic Mantra

2008-07-25T09:02:00.003+01:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

I'd heard this on TV, but hey getting to know better things even if it's through the idiot box is always great! This poem always cheers me up, and makes me believe in myself :D

xxx

Test phobia!

2008-07-24T12:04:00.007+01:00

I've recently applied for a job that I think, if I get it, it might do wonders for my career. It's not really journalism (I know, I'm taking a dream detour for a bit!). But it's a good alternative...that can't be a bad thing, right?

So I sent the CV, got to know they liked the media background and they'll call me for my first interview PROVIDED I finish some online tests.

Shrutters passes out!!

WHAT!!! A TEST ? But But But... I haven't given a test since I passed school. To top it all it has a deadline. I have to finish not one but TWO tests by 30th July and take only 30 minutes to do each test. Stressful!

So I start it off, filling in my personal details hum de dum. Now that's the easy part. When the options of the tests come by I see one is a Verbal test and the other NUMERICAL !!!

I have a maths phobia! I see numbers and I run a mile (and I don't even like running!!!) I'm already stressing out. I try to calm down. It's only a test. If I don't do it how will I ever know? "Stop being such a goddamned chicken," I rebuke myself.

So I start with the easy peasy part, the verbal test. Surely someone who loves verbal schtuff and words and all can do a test. I took a practice test, and I was like pfft I'm going to just do the practice once and I'll be fine.

The layout of the test is multiple choice, quite like SATs. OMG SATs, I freaked out when I gave them too! This is not a good sign. Oh I'm doomed, oh the drama, oh oh ohhhhhh !!

After all the fussing about I finish the test, and get 4 out of 8 right. 50% not bad. But I try again, I get 6 out of 8, and then finally one. I know you'll think I really have to be stupid not to get it right the second time, but you see the stress levels in my brains are so high right now, I can't even read the questions properly, leave alone remembering answers.

I kinda need and want this job badly. I have my hopes on it, and it would be pretty cool. Sometimes I wish I hadn't given it all to just words words and more words and fitted some numbers in my head too. I totally chickened out of the numerical test, and couldn't even get myself to understand all the questions about Inflations and markets and all. SCARY !

I don't know what I'll do. I'm super stressed. Maybe I should try one of those cool meditating thingies to cool me down. It's hard to be positive when you have all your hopes tied on to something. Meh!

At the end of the day, the fact remains that I really want to be able to do this test without stressing out and I want to get the job. It would be super to be able to do something on my own, it really would :)

xxx

You gotta start young !

2008-07-24T09:57:00.002+01:00

I'm not much into things all cuddly and cute, such as Kids, but I am in love with this video. It is simply too cute. Very girly, I bet all the men are thinking, a kid putting make up...dayyummm what else do we have to endure! But have a look and enjoy !! And then altogether go AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

My perfect make up lesson :D

xxx

La Bella Vita

I want to be a 'Jane Birkin'

It's official...I'm a workaholic!

Shout out!

Music to my ears

Singledom

Phone call

I am who I am; your approval is not needed !

What have I become, my sweetest friend?*

I *heart* EM cartoons

Men are idiots...clearly!

Bloggity, blog!

Norwegian Wood

Ra ra ra roma ma ma, ga ga ga oo la la !

Love and Marriage

Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man

C'est la vie, mon cherie

If I was a rich girl

Books

A letter to the year that was

Same

LDN

Lol...

The rat race

Vitrual Fuckery

Being controversial

Just coz I love the meaning of the song!

If music be the food of love, play on - Shakespeare

A new toy!

The parc in the center of it all!

Mistakes

<3 Love

25 things about me, coz tagging is lame!

I'll remember you....

24

Sick!

I'll be your crying shoulder, I'll be love's suicide...

"When I die I want to go to Vogue."

Love !

*Meow*

Getting Techy!

Ridiculously Tiny Feet

Twice borrowed

The Fighter

Therapy

Alexandra

The Meeting

Taken

I haz humor

The story of the Pencil

American Idiot !

There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness

Achtung baby!

Dreams

Stress levels: High!

La Bella Vita

Oh Hai There !

Normality

Broken

And they say that a hero could save us, I'm not gonna stand here and wait...

I'm at it again...

Personality Test

Put your pants* where they belong!

America!

Achew!

For all you IT Nerds :)

Wowie!

What a party!

Bored!

Arrgh! Am I Fugly?

Ouch!

WTF!

RANT!

I Heart pancakes!

Amore Mio

Lost girl

100!

Auntie Shrutters!

School of Rock!

Fatty !

I heart EM cartoons

Meow